Family jokes
Oliver Savage and Dr. Mummy.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
In life, it’s either yeet or get beat, and I clearly failed yeeting as a child, as my dad beat me.
The last words my Dad spoke before he passed was, "Honey put down the knife, we were only talking about getting a divorce."
Yo mama so fat that your mama so fat, mama so fat that, mama so fat that, mama so fat that, mama so fat that, mama so fat that, mama so fat that your mamas just fat.
Willy Wonka meme
Q: What do you call a virgin from Alabama?
A: An orphan.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find home.
This boy heard from a friend that if you tell an adult, "I know the whole truth," they will be all weird. So he went home and told his mom, "I know the whole truth," and she gave him $20 and said to keep quiet.
Pleased, when his dad got home, he said, "I know the whole truth," and his dad gave him $40 and said, "Don't tell Mom." Really pleased, he met the mailman the next day and said, "I know the whole truth." Then the mailman got down on his knee, opened his arms, and said, "Come to daddy."
Someone locked me out of my house today... At least the children in my basement aren't my problem anymore.
People always talk about starting families, what happened to finishing the job?
When the card declines on child insurance.
An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
My grandmother said goodnight...
She never said good morning.
Why does the orphan drink hot coco with water?
Because his dad never came back with the milk.
What is an orphan's excuse to leave a party?
"I'm gonna make like my parents and run."
Last night little Johnny went to his room and saw people hanging out there, little balls.
Orphans and Chinese people can’t play baseball. The orphans can’t find home, and the Chinese kid will eat the bat.
A man sees a small boy begging for money. He walks up to him and asks him if he is an orphan.
The boy asks, "What gave me away?"
The man responds, "Your parents."
Why were you born?
Because I asked out your mom on accident.
About a month ago, I was at my best friend’s funeral and I told him, "Bitches always come and go." He looked at me kinda mad, kinda confused, and said, "That’s my mom, dude."