Family jokes

Why do orphans like emos?

Reverse "emo" and put an "h" in the beginning.

What do Joe Biden and orphans have in common?

No one loves them!

I kidnapped an orphan. What are they going to do? Cry for mom?

My grandpa died during World War II. He was the best concentration camp guard they have ever seen. RIP.

Why can't orphans play baseball?

Because they can't find home. 😢

I saw a kid crying today and asked them, "Where are your parents?"

God, I love working at an orphanage!

My depressed mom looks good hanging from a tree.

I was making a bet with my grandfather about who would die first. I said that I would die first.

He said "Bet" and died after he drank his coffee.

He was my least favorite grandparent.

What's the difference between my girlfriend and my sister?

There is no difference.

I love to play catch with my dad! He's never there to catch the ball, though.

What is similar about the feelings of a girl's birth daddy and her new pimp daddy?

They both worry about how she will turn out!

Little boy: Are you an orphan?

Orphan: Yes, what gave me away?

Little boy: Your parents.

Why is Mrs. Grapes 🍇 a good mother?

Because she loves raisin' kids.

Why did the orphan cross the street? Because they thought that mommy and daddy was on the other side.

I bought my spoiled brother a trampoline for his birthday, but he decided to sit in his wheelchair like a little bitch.

What was Stephen Hawking's mother's name?

Ilean.

Mother, father, and a son. Father purchased a robot that can detect lies. The robot slaps when you lie.

During dinner time: Father: Son, what have you done today? Son: I watched Netflix, Dad. Robot: Stood up and slapped the son! Son: Okay! Okay! I watched porn, Dad. Dad: What? You watched porn? You are only 14! I never knew porn till I was 18 years of age. Robot: Stood up and slapped the Dad! Mother: Started to laugh and said "Sure he is your son!" Robot: Stood up and slapped the mother!

Hehe

One weekend some distant family members that I hadn't met before came over. My cousins (who I also hadn't met before) were fighting, so I decided to separate them and place them in opposite corners of the room (thinking it would help).

My mom took me to an empty room with tears in her eyes and told me they both ended up dying.

Well, SO-RRY, but I didn't know they were conjoined twins.

A boy sat in his bed, watching a meteor shower. He was a vengeful child and wished that his parents would no longer bother him whilst he was gaming.

The next morning, he woke up to find his mother had passed away in the night. Clearly his wish had worked. However, his father worked a midnight job, and as such the boy was very confused when he returned home from work, expecting him to have met the same fate.

The two of them then looked out the window in thought, only to find the milkman lying dead on the pavement.

My stepmom kicked me out of the house because I was raped and got pregnant. I kicked her to death because she had sex and gave birth to my rapist stepbrother.