Family jokes
There was once a grandfather. He had very little hair, and he lived in a forest.
On his death bed, he was fully bald. So he told his children, "You see my head? I have no hair. All of my hair has been wiped, and I hope this forest doesn't experience the same. Children, every time a tree is cut in this forest, plant a new one in its place."
So for years, and to this day, that forest still stands, each tree being replanted. All because of an old man and his re-seeding hairline.
Here is a dark joke for you guys... "Why do pornstars scream, "DADDY!" in their videos? Because they were child molested by their father!"
A happy mother: "Why is your sister so quiet?! And how did you get super glue stuck on your penis?!"
My mum told me to take out the trash, but I couldn’t find you.
My uncle was a priest.
He had a two-inch penis, but when it was in my ass, it felt like a torpedo.
Judge: We shall now sentence you for the murder of your parents.
Accused: Please consider a lenient sentence, your honor.
Judge: But why?
Accused: Because I’m an orphan.
Why do orphans like emos?
Reverse "emo" and put an "h" in the beginning.
Why is Mrs. Grapes 🍇 a good mother?
Because she loves raisin' kids.
Why did the orphan cross the street? Because they thought that mommy and daddy was on the other side.
What was Stephen Hawking's mother's name?
Ilean.
I bought my spoiled brother a trampoline for his birthday, but he decided to sit in his wheelchair like a little bitch.
What do Joe Biden and orphans have in common?
No one loves them!
I kidnapped an orphan. What are they going to do? Cry for mom?
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find home. 😢
I saw a kid crying today and asked them, "Where are your parents?"
God, I love working at an orphanage!
I was making a bet with my grandfather about who would die first. I said that I would die first.
He said "Bet" and died after he drank his coffee.
He was my least favorite grandparent.
What's the difference between my girlfriend and my sister?
There is no difference.
Little boy: Are you an orphan?
Orphan: Yes, what gave me away?
Little boy: Your parents.
I love to play catch with my dad! He's never there to catch the ball, though.
What is similar about the feelings of a girl's birth daddy and her new pimp daddy?
They both worry about how she will turn out!