Family

Family jokes

Insult

1+1 answer 2 said all the kids, but 1 kid said 5. Then I said your mom feels embarrassed because everyday you look into the mirror, you see how empty your brain is.

Noodle

For dinner, this girl had noodles. The next day, she could not find her skinny sister. The mom said, "Your sister is dead!" sadly. The girl asked, "She was skinny, right?" The mom said yes. The sister laughed, "I ate her! That’s why the noodles were very skinny!"

Cult

What makes a cult and a racist family of 5 common?

Not all are friends.

Orphan

Judge: We shall now sentence you for the murder of your parents.

Accused: Please consider a lenient sentence, your honor.

Judge: But why?

Accused: Because I’m an orphan.

Orphan

I was an orphan as a kid, and I'm pretty sure my favorite thing was seeing parents with their kids.

I think we know why.

Orphan

Why can't orphans have an iPhone?

'Cause they can't find the home button.

Grandma

What did the grandma say at the hospital when you pulled the tube?...................

Orphan

Girl: Wanna come over to my house?

Orphan: I have to ask if my parents come home.

Orphan

Why don’t orphans play the game of hide-and-seek?

They won’t be found because no one will look for them.

Orphan

What do you call an orphan who grows up to become a priest?

Father Les.

God

Knock knock, who's there? God.

God who? NO, you idiot, there is no God. I am your father and you have locked me out of my own house!

Trampoline

I got my daughter a trampoline for her birthday. The ungrateful bitch just sat there in her wheelchair and cried.

Fart

So I’m riding in the car with my dad and all of a sudden I smell something rank without warning.

My dad starts laughing at me.

Dad: “Son! That must have been an orphan fart! You know why?”

Me: “Why dad?”

Dad: “Because it ain’t got no pop!”

Dad

What does my dad have in common with Nemo?

They both can’t be found.

Fetus

A 14 year old girl finds out she is pregnant. Her: "Crap! My mom is going to kill me!"

The fetus: "lol same here."