Family jokes
Me: Want to hear a joke?
Friend: Sure.
Me: When my Mum and Dad said they loved me.
Friend: What's funny about that?
Me: Because the next day they disowned me.
What is Green and Red and goes round and round?
A frog in a blender.
(this next one is pretty bad, and I don't mean it, so don't get offended)
What's the difference between a Mexican and a park bench?
One can support an average family.
My mother caught me jerking off and she told me to leave it out. I didn't know what she was doing but she grabbed my cock and started sucking. Then I found out on porn she was doing deep throat.
A couple of weeks later my dad caught me jerking off, I thought he would deep throat, but he just walked up to me and slapped my boner. I cried for 5 hours. Luckily my mum gave me a sloppy joe afterwards.
I never forget my grandpa's last words.
"Are you still holding the ladder?"
What is the difference between an orphan and a deaf kid?
They can't hear or speak to their parents that never came back.
One man's trash is another man's treasure. That sucks when you are adopted.
I think my dad's gay because he goes out with his mates to get milk but never returns.
I made an orphan website.
But it did not have a home page.
My son told me he has to bring an object for show and tell at school.
So I had him bring my wife.
Who needs dating apps when you have family reunions?
My mum told me to stop telling the suicidal jokes.
I replied with: "Don't worry, suicide would be the last thing I'd do."
Why was the orphan so successful?
Because his options were to go bigger or go home. He only had one choice. :)
Why do orphans go to prison?
Because that's their only home.
Guy 1: Hey, can you stop making 9/11 jokes? My dad died during it.
Guy 2: Sorry, I will stop. What was your dad?
Guy 1: The pilot. He saw a KFC and wanted it, so, well, you know.
Why should you never give an orphan a phone?
Because they wouldn't be able to find the home button.
All the people disliking these jokes are definitely orphans.
My uncle is an alchemist.
He can turn 3 bottles of beer into 4 hours of abuse.
What's the worst place to teach an orphan? Homeschool.
What makes an orphan jump?
A bridge.
What's an orphan's favorite movie?
"Spider-Man: Homecoming."