Family jokes

Orphan kids only play GTA5 so they can be wanted.

How did Billy find out he was in a minefield?

He saw his dad's corpse holding a jug of milk.

My sister reminds me of 911: one moan of "OMG" got everyone's attention.

I remember my uncle's last words:

"I don't think we're going shooting today."

When it's April Fool's Day, go to an orphan and say, "Their parents should come back!"

Q. There were two sisters. One was having twins and asked her sister to help name the children. If one was named Deniece, what was the other named?

A. Denephew.

I remember my dad's last words: "I met your father."

MOM: Honey, I'm pregnant.

DAD: Hi, Pregnant, I'm Dad.

MOM: No, you're not.

Q: Why can't orphans be gay?

A: They have no one to call "daddy."

Today was a really bad day. My mother-in-law was hit by a cab AND I lost my job as a cab driver!

There was a kid crying. I asked him where his parents were. He cried more. I love working at an orphanage.

If you're ever bored, rape an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?

Once upon a time, fraternal twins, brother and sister, with almost 100% equal DNA were separated at birth. At the age of 42, they were married, had 2 sons and 2 daughters. They took an ancestryDNA test, and the results were scientifically sexually shocking.

The mother and her daughter went to the store. After they arrived, the daughter looked around and ran off somewhere. The mother realized this and took off looking for her. After a while, she found her tugging on a black man. The mother asked, "What are you doing?" and the daughter replied, "I wan't the chocolate!"

What is Green and Red and goes round and round?

A frog in a blender.

(this next one is pretty bad, and I don't mean it, so don't get offended)

What's the difference between a Mexican and a park bench?

One can support an average family.

Me: Want to hear a joke?

Friend: Sure.

Me: When my Mum and Dad said they loved me.

Friend: What's funny about that?

Me: Because the next day they disowned me.

My mother caught me jerking off and she told me to leave it out. I didn't know what she was doing but she grabbed my cock and started sucking. Then I found out on porn she was doing deep throat.

A couple of weeks later my dad caught me jerking off, I thought he would deep throat, but he just walked up to me and slapped my boner. I cried for 5 hours. Luckily my mum gave me a sloppy joe afterwards.

Why are orphans so bad at baseball?

Because they don't know what a home base is.

Why don't orphans have a site page?

Because there's no home page.

I copied my friend's work. It's not like the teacher can tell my parents.