Family jokes
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they don't know where home is.
Do you know why orphans can't get married? Because they will never get their parents' blessing.
Q. There were two sisters. One was having twins and asked her sister to help name the children. If one was named Deniece, what was the other named?
A. Denephew.
I made an orphan website. It does not have a home page.
So little Susie came home and said, "Mom, little Johnny showed me his pecker."
And her mom said, "WHAT?!"
And little Susie was like, "Yeah, it reminded me of a peanut." Her mom said, "Oh, because it was so small?"
Susie said, "No, because it tasted salty."
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
An apple gets picked.
Why did the orphan cry when the teacher yelled at him?
Because the teacher said, "Don't make me call your parents!"
Why can't orphans celebrate Christmas?
Father Christmas left them.
We were so poor when we were kids, dad used to jerk off the dog to feed the cat.
My dad went to go buy milk, but he walks as slow as my grandmother.
My grandmother is paralyzed in the legs.
Why can't an orphan play basketball?
Because no one will be cheering them on.
What is an orphan's excuse to leave a party?
"I'm gonna make like my parents and run."
Grandpa said, "No phone near the table," so I said, "You're not allowed near the school."
Why did the orphan play GTA? Because he wanted to feel the wanted level.
Orphan kids only play GTA5 so they can be wanted.
If you're ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they going to do, tell their parents?
One day a father went out for some cold beer and threw the 18 pack in the back seat on top of the infant in the car seat. Fortunately, it was light beer.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan? The apple gets picked.
Orphans can get away with anything really bad at school, because they can't be sent home for it.
My sister thinks she's so smart. She said only an onion can make you cry, so I brought the belt out, and she started crying.