Family jokes
I remember my uncle's last words:
"I don't think we're going shooting today."
What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?
One of them gets picked.
Why did the orphan play GTA? Because he wanted to feel the wanted level.
MOM: Honey, I'm pregnant.
DAD: Hi, Pregnant, I'm Dad.
MOM: No, you're not.
Q. There were two sisters. One was having twins and asked her sister to help name the children. If one was named Deniece, what was the other named?
A. Denephew.
Memes
Today was a really bad day. My mother-in-law was hit by a cab AND I lost my job as a cab driver!
If you're ever bored, rape an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
The mother and her daughter went to the store. After they arrived, the daughter looked around and ran off somewhere. The mother realized this and took off looking for her. After a while, she found her tugging on a black man. The mother asked, "What are you doing?" and the daughter replied, "I wan't the chocolate!"
Me: Want to hear a joke?
Friend: Sure.
Me: When my Mum and Dad said they loved me.
Friend: What's funny about that?
Me: Because the next day they disowned me.
What is Green and Red and goes round and round?
A frog in a blender.
(this next one is pretty bad, and I don't mean it, so don't get offended)
What's the difference between a Mexican and a park bench?
One can support an average family.
Q: Why should you never invite an aardvark to your family reunion?
A: Because it will eat your "aunts."
Women are like grenades: you pull the ring and BOOM, the house is gone!
What's fat and wanks over his mom?
Guy Sheppard.
What makes an orphan jump?
A bridge.
Wanna know something the orphan could never do?
Wish anyone a happy Mother’s Day or Father’s Day.
Why can't an orphan ever be a criminal?
Because he isn't wanted.
What is the difference between an orphan and a deaf kid?
They can't hear or speak to their parents that never came back.
Why was the orphan so successful?
Because his options were to go bigger or go home. He only had one choice. :)
Why do orphans go to prison?
Because that's their only home.
Why should you never give an orphan a phone?
Because they wouldn't be able to find the home button.