Family jokes
My dad went to go buy milk, but he walks as slow as my grandmother.
My grandmother is paralyzed in the legs.
Why can't orphans celebrate Christmas?
Father Christmas left them.
I don't like the term "kidnapping." I prefer "surprise adoption."
Grandpa said, "No phone near the table," so I said, "You're not allowed near the school."
Why can't an orphan play basketball?
Because no one will be cheering them on.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan? The apple gets picked.
What is an orphan's excuse to leave a party?
"I'm gonna make like my parents and run."
If you're ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they going to do, tell their parents?
My sister thinks she's so smart. She said only an onion can make you cry, so I brought the belt out, and she started crying.
One day a father went out for some cold beer and threw the 18 pack in the back seat on top of the infant in the car seat. Fortunately, it was light beer.
Why did the orphan play GTA? Because he wanted to feel the wanted level.
Orphan kids only play GTA5 so they can be wanted.
How did Billy find out he was in a minefield?
He saw his dad's corpse holding a jug of milk.
What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?
One of them gets picked.
My sister reminds me of 911: one moan of "OMG" got everyone's attention.
I remember my uncle's last words:
"I don't think we're going shooting today."
When it's April Fool's Day, go to an orphan and say, "Their parents should come back!"
If you're ever bored, rape an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
Once upon a time, fraternal twins, brother and sister, with almost 100% equal DNA were separated at birth. At the age of 42, they were married, had 2 sons and 2 daughters. They took an ancestryDNA test, and the results were scientifically sexually shocking.
The mother and her daughter went to the store. After they arrived, the daughter looked around and ran off somewhere. The mother realized this and took off looking for her. After a while, she found her tugging on a black man. The mother asked, "What are you doing?" and the daughter replied, "I wan't the chocolate!"