Family jokes
I don't like the term "kidnapping." I prefer "surprise adoption."
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
An apple gets picked.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan? The apple gets picked.
If you're ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they going to do, tell their parents?
What is an orphan's excuse to leave a party?
"I'm gonna make like my parents and run."
Why can't an orphan play basketball?
Because no one will be cheering them on.
I remember my uncle's last words:
"I don't think we're going shooting today."
When it's April Fool's Day, go to an orphan and say, "Their parents should come back!"
Q. There were two sisters. One was having twins and asked her sister to help name the children. If one was named Deniece, what was the other named?
A. Denephew.
Today was a really bad day. My mother-in-law was hit by a cab AND I lost my job as a cab driver!
Q: Why can't orphans be gay?
A: They have no one to call "daddy."
There was a kid crying. I asked him where his parents were. He cried more. I love working at an orphanage.
My sister reminds me of 911: one moan of "OMG" got everyone's attention.
I remember my dad's last words: "I met your father."
MOM: Honey, I'm pregnant.
DAD: Hi, Pregnant, I'm Dad.
MOM: No, you're not.
What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?
One of them gets picked.
How did Billy find out he was in a minefield?
He saw his dad's corpse holding a jug of milk.
If you're ever bored, rape an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
Once upon a time, fraternal twins, brother and sister, with almost 100% equal DNA were separated at birth. At the age of 42, they were married, had 2 sons and 2 daughters. They took an ancestryDNA test, and the results were scientifically sexually shocking.
The mother and her daughter went to the store. After they arrived, the daughter looked around and ran off somewhere. The mother realized this and took off looking for her. After a while, she found her tugging on a black man. The mother asked, "What are you doing?" and the daughter replied, "I wan't the chocolate!"