Family jokes
While I was out shopping, I tripped in a store and a lady would not stop staring at me. For fun, I said, "Sorry! It's been a while since I've possessed a body." She looked horrified.
Dads are like boomerangs... I hope!
Son: Dad, why is my name Experience? Dad: Son, Experience is the name we give our mistakes.
You won't eat a human, so why eat meat? Bold of you to presume I won't eat a person.
Why did the sexy 12 year old girl with cerebral palsy get raped? Because her parents didn’t have the decency to drown her at birth.
Why do people always talk about nine eleven???
My dad died that day.
He was a good pilot.
Why are so many people mean to orphans?
They can’t cry to their parents.
Why did Shawn suddenly fly to Mount Everest, leaving behind friends, family, and food?
Someone told him that "Shelby"'s coming 'round the mountain.
One day, a leaf asks Mom, "Mom, why am I named Leaf?"
Mom says, "Because when you were a baby, a leaf fell on your head."
The next day, Feather asks Mom, "Mommy, why am I named Feather?"
Mom says, "When you were a baby, a feather fell on your head."
The next day, Brick asks Mom, "Rhsisvrkanx!"
Mom says, "Shut up, Brick!"
What do you call an orphan taking a family photo?
A selfie.
What's similar between a pregnant 14 y/o girl and the foetus inside of her?
They both are thinking "My mom's gonna kill me!"
When I'm bored, I like to slap orphans. I mean, what are they gonna do, tell their parents?
So an orphan was crying in a corner in the dark. Then a man came over and asked, "Why are you crying?"
Then said, "Do you want me to get your parents?"
A white guy was telling his friend about this girl he hooked up with. His friend asks, "Did you get her number?"
He replies, "No, but it's okay, I'll see her at the next family reunion!"
Why can’t orphans be gay? Because they have no closet to come out of.
Why do orphans eat cereal with water? Because their dad never came back with the milk.
What’s the difference between an onion and a photo of a dead relative? Nothing, they both make you cry when you look at it.
I saw a website for orphans. It was a bit confusing because I could not find the homepage.
My grandpa died during World War II. He was the best concentration camp guard they have ever seen. RIP.
I know this isn't the real chicken wing song, but my version...
"Chicken wing, chicken wing, I want your mommy. Slap her with my hairy salami while she's still yawning."
Make your own chicken wing song and put it in the comments... :)
Q: What season can an orphan see their family tree?
A: Fall.
If you don't get it, in the fall trees have no leaves, there [are] just empty branches, like an orphan's tree.
Are all orphans home-a-phobic?
Why can’t orphans get in trouble?
Because there’s no one to give a phone call home to.