Family jokes

What can an elevator do that an orphan’s parents can’t?

The elevator can raise a family.

I'm treated like God when I'm home, I'm usually ignored until someone wants something.

I was crying at school and telling my friends that my grandpa died. Then I told them I still remember his last words. They wanted to hear them. They are: "you still holding the ladder?"

What is an orphan's family tree?

A stump.

Why can't an orphan have sex?

Because they can't scream "daddy!"

Why can't orphans play baseball?

Because they don't know how to hit a home run.

What do my dad and Nemo have in common? They both can’t be found.

Him: What's the difference between Incestry.com and Ancestry.com?

Her: What?

Him: Nothing, either way you will be dating your cousin.

Yo mama so clueless, she sat on the TV to watch the couch.

Why do I go around making orphan jokes? Because they can't go crying to their parents. 😅

Guess how I got away from my mom saying I can't play Fortnite? I took my stuff and I ran to Iran.

If anyone's gonna be fuckin' my sister, it's gonna be ME!

My sister said the onion is the only vegetable that can make you cry...

So I threw a carrot at her.

My mom came to me and shouted, "Nobody is giving me a fuck." So I went forward and fucked her!

A kid has an older brother that’s a very popular lifeguard. He sees all of the people that talk to his brother, but he’s fairly ignored. So one day he asks his brother why everyone likes him so much. His older brother says, “Well, all you gotta do is stick a potato in your pocket.” So the next day the boy goes back to the pool and he has a potato in his pocket, but everyone is avoiding him even more now. At the end of the day he goes up to his brother and asks why it didn’t work, and his brother says, “Dumbass, you were supposed to put it in the front!”

One day at school, I made fun of a girl who lost her hair from cancer, and my parents made me shave my head.

The next day at school, I made fun of an orphan.

Why are orphans so bad at dodgeball?

Because no one misses them.

You're so ugly, when your mom dropped you off at school, she got a fine for littering.

Why can't orphans be gay?

Because they have no one to call daddy.

What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?

Apples get picked.