Family jokes
What did Dom Toretto say about the tree Paul Walker hit?
"Family strong, but not that strong."
I prank called someone saying, "SON! IT'S ME, SON! I'M COMING FOR YOU!!!" My friend next to me asked who I was calling, and I said, "the orphanage."
Did you know that the F in orphan means family?
There's no F in orphan?
Exactly.
One man's trash is another man's treasure. That sucks when you are adopted.
Pregnant teen: I'm pregnant, my mum's gonna kill me.
Unborn baby: My mum's gonna kill me.
Why do we never make adult jokes in front of orphans?
Because the joke needs parental guidance.
Girl: Hey.
Orphan: Hi.
Girl: Wanna be friends?
Orphan: Sure.
Girl: Ok, and go ask your parents if we can have a sleep over.
Why did the Titanic sink? Because your mom was on it.
Why can't orphans be gay? Because then they would be home-osexual.
What is an orphanage's favorite Roblox game?
"Adopt Me."
Why are most dark jokes about orphans?
They can't complain to their parents.
What is an orphan's favorite movie? Hint, not Home Alone. It's actually Batman, 'cause they are 50% the same as him.
A woman is in the hospital giving birth. The doctor comes up to her afterwards.
Dr: "I'm sorry, I have good news and bad news."
Woman: "What's the bad news?"
Dr: "Your baby is Ginger!"
Woman: "Ok, so what's the good news?"
Dr: "It's dead!"
Your mama is so fat that she took a picture at Christmas, and it's still downloading.
Roses are red, violets are blue, my mom and dad died, next you'll be gone too.
This guy looked down the aisle and asked, "Hey, are those kids all yours?" And I replied: "No, I work for a condom company, and these kids are just all of my complaints."
If it’s called the “living room,” why did my grandma die there?
Little Johnny went up to his mom and said: "Can I have some milk?"
He waited for three hours to get an answer.
His mom finally said: "No, your dad still isn't back with it."
For this orphan, his dad didn't only go and get the milk. His mom did too.
The biggest inconvenience in 2001, I thought, was my brother. Turns out it was 9/11. I guess the planes saw him be born and died from how ugly he was. Aluh aluckbar.