Family jokes
What was the ONLY difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apples got picked.
What is an orphan's favorite store?
Home Depot.
My dad has the heart of a lion, and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
Don't you just hate when you have to eat cereal with water because your dad won't bring the fucking milk? Cause same.
If you don't like orphan jokes, WHY THE HELL ARE YOU ON HERE??!!! WE DON'T ACCEPT YOU HERE!
If you saw an orphan, could you say where your parents at? And if they cry, just say, "hey here are your parents" then grab nothing. Perfect example.
Memes
Mom: You need to grow up. You're so immature.
Me: *glares* Get out of my castle....
Mom: It's a pillow fort.
Me: Why can't I have an imagination! ?
Mom: You're almost 19 years old.
Me: Not good enough... OUT!
What did the mommy cow say to the baby cow?
It's pasture your bedtime.
What is an orphan's favorite flower? Self-raising. đ
What's your favorite place that orphans can't go to?
Home.
Why couldnât the orphan play Xbox? Because there was no home button.
Me and my grandpa went on a road trip, and he died. That was the last thing we did together, and I will never forget his last words: âWAKE UP YOU DUMBASS!â
Why do orphans become criminals? To know what itâs like to be wanted.
Why are orphans bad at poker? They donât know what a full house is.
I saw a child crying yesterday, so I asked him where his parents were. Bad move. I got fired from my job at the orphanage.
What do you call an orphanâs family reunion? Me time.
Did you know? The letter âfâ in orphan stands for family.
What is an orphanâs least favorite song? We Are Family.
Whatâs an orphanâs least favorite TV show? Family Guy.
Whatâs an orphanâs least favorite movie? Meet the Parents.
Whatâs an orphanâs least favorite type of music? House.
Whatâs an orphanâs least favorite store? Home Depot.
Whatâs an orphanâs favorite band? Foster the People.
What do you call a virgin from Alabama? An orphan.
Where do orphan chickens end up? Foster Farms.
What beer do orphans drink? Fosterâs.
Why do orphans have water with their cereal? Because their dad never came back with the milk.
What do you call a fish with no parents? An orfin.
Why do orphans like playing tennis? Because itâs the only love they get.
Me: Are you an orphan? Orphan: Yes, what gave me away? Me: Your parents.
"My grandmother used to tell us a joke. Sheâd say, "Knock knock." Weâd say, "Whoâs there?" Then sheâd say, "I canât remember"... and start to cry."
I told my mom that I have a crush. She replied with: "So you like girls?" I said: "Uhm no no no." BUT I'm lesbian. Someone help, how do I tell her without her hitting me with a belt?
Orphan jokes are like families, not everyone gets 'em.
(Also, I banged ya mum ;))
While I was out shopping, I tripped in a store and a lady would not stop staring at me. For fun, I said, "Sorry! It's been a while since I've possessed a body." She looked horrified.
Dads are like boomerangs... I hope!
Son: Dad, why is my name Experience? Dad: Son, Experience is the name we give our mistakes.
You won't eat a human, so why eat meat? Bold of you to presume I won't eat a person.
Bf: Do you love me?
Gf: Most of the time.
Bf: Well, it's either yes or no.
Gf:...
Bf: Well, when is it that you don't love me?
Gf: 2:30 to 4:00. Every time when you go to the river an hour, then it takes me a half hour to love you again.
Bf: Why?
Gf: 'Cause you always see that OTHER GIRL.
Bf: MY LOVE! That other girl is my sister!!!
Gf: Ohh...
Little Johnny walked in on his mom in the shower and said, "What's that on your chest, Mom?" Mom said, "Those are my headlights." Johnny: "Oh. What's that in between your legs, Mom?" Mom: "Oh, that's my bush." Johnny: "Oh, OK." Next, he walked in on his dad in the shower. He said, "Dad, what's that in between your legs?" Dad: "Oh, that's my snake." Johnny: "Oh, OK." That night, little Johnny walks in on his parents going at it and said, "Mom, turn on his headlights, there's a snake going in your bush!"
A little girl asks her mum, "Mummy how was I born?"
Her mother smiled and replied: "Once upon a time, your daddy and I decided to plant a wonderful little seed. Daddy put it in the earth, and I took care of it every single day."
"The seed slowly grew more and more leaves, and in a few months it turned into a beautiful, healthy plant. So me and Daddy took the plant, dried it, smoked it and got so high that we fucked without a condom!"
My mom got a clown for my birthday, but it ended up being my sister. đ¤Ą