Family jokes
Your adopted.
Mom: Daddy, stop!
Me: No!
Mom: Ok, I just wanted you to do it like your father.
I brought my cousin to an arcade and I gave her $5 to go play a game, but she tugged my joystick too hard.
What do tampons and your sister have in common?
Susie was in her mother's room one night, as her mother was getting ready for bed. She had slipped off her blouse; her boobs, plum and perky. Susie had asked what are those and will I get them? Her mother had said they were boobs and she would grow some in a few years. Her mother told Susie to find her father and say goodnight.
So Susie left, headed down the hall to the bathroom where her father was showering. Susie knocked on the door, he said come in. He had moved the shower curtain over just a bit. Susie said she loved him, and then seen her father's dick. Shocked, Susie asked her father what that was and if she would get one. Her father said it was a dick, and he said Susie would get it after her mother went to bed.
A dad asked his son what kind of cake he wanted for his birthday, and he replied, "How about a urinal cake?!"
Your momma's so depressed, she shot herself in the head hoping she'd die.
Your nan.
What does the man say about his baby sister Lydia? "I hope she electrocutes herself!"
My sister asked where is my book.... me: "itti badi nak hai gufa jaisi dhund us mei."
Why did the pillow cross the road?
Because his cousin's name was Koshin, and he didn't want to live anymore.
"One silent evening, a man walks to his fridge to get some food. He sets out a fork and napkin on the table. He reaches to grab a salad topped with olives and cheese. He sets the food down on the table and begins to add tomatoes, condiments, and..." He is interrupted. "Why are you saying this aloud?" A young boy asks his father. The father replies with, "You wanted to know how to live on your own, but I guess experience is more helpful," he says as he rushes the child out of the front door.
Your nan's bald.
Kid: What is between mom's legs?
Dad: Paradise.
Kid: What's between your legs?
Dad: The key to paradise.
Kid: Well, you better change the lock, the neighbor has the key to.
What does a skeleton call their great-grandparents?
A fossil.
A father and son duo are sitting at a table, eating breakfast. The father looks at the child and says, "I'm hungry." The child looks at the father and replies, "Hi Hungry, I'm Son." The father calls his father and asks why he was named Hungry.
My dad is a pussy.
I complimented my neighbor's skeleton decoration for Halloween, but they just told me that it's their anorexic daughter.
Son: Hey dad, why is my name Canada?
Dad: Because you were made there.
Mum: We haven't been to Canada.
Dad: Hol' up a minute.
Daughter: Where was I born?
Dad: Alabama.
Daughter: That is nice.
Mum: We have never been to Alabama.
Dad: RUN!