Family jokes
Little Susie had gotten her first period. She told her mom, and they bought pads.
The next month, Susie's mom asked if she had her second one. Suzie said no, and her mom fainted!
Why did the blind kid drop his ice cream? He got run over by his mom.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to do it in the water. Jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a daughter.
My boy is so distracted and the kids are doing great. I will be make $500000.
My sister is so annoying. She won $10,000 to go to hell.
Bob: Kanye West.
Dad: No, but I can East.
Dad: "I'm giving all your toys to the orphanage."
Kid: "Why are you doing that?"
Dad: "So you won't get bored there."
Nutted in my shoes, now my kids are taking a walk.
You're mum.
A child has diarrhea and asked his mom for a Viagra. "Why in the world do you want that?" she asked him. He looks at her and says, "Well, that's what you gift dad when his shit won't get hard."
Yo mama so fat that when she sat on the couch, the couch got destroyed.
Molly Burke and her mom were on a walk. Molly walked into a bar; her mom laughed and walked under it.
Your adopted.
Mom: Daddy, stop!
Me: No!
Mom: Ok, I just wanted you to do it like your father.
I brought my cousin to an arcade and I gave her $5 to go play a game, but she tugged my joystick too hard.
What do tampons and your sister have in common?
Susie was in her mother's room one night, as her mother was getting ready for bed. She had slipped off her blouse; her boobs, plum and perky. Susie had asked what are those and will I get them? Her mother had said they were boobs and she would grow some in a few years. Her mother told Susie to find her father and say goodnight.
So Susie left, headed down the hall to the bathroom where her father was showering. Susie knocked on the door, he said come in. He had moved the shower curtain over just a bit. Susie said she loved him, and then seen her father's dick. Shocked, Susie asked her father what that was and if she would get one. Her father said it was a dick, and he said Susie would get it after her mother went to bed.
A dad asked his son what kind of cake he wanted for his birthday, and he replied, "How about a urinal cake?!"
Your momma's so depressed, she shot herself in the head hoping she'd die.
Your nan.