Family jokes
If your parents ever accuse you of lying... Say, "You're the one who told me about Santa Claus!"
My mom asked me to stop making jokes about suicide.
I answered, "Don't worry... I'll stop soon."
I would create an orphan website, but you need a homepage to do that.
Jason Kenney has never worried about putting food on the table for his kids.
"Knuckle babies" don't eat.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to go and have some fun.
Silly Jill forgot the pill, and now they have a son.
Him: What's the difference between Incestry.com and Ancestry.com?
Her: What?
Him: Nothing, either way you will be dating your cousin.
A few male neighbors came over to the house to take a shower because, for some reason, their house didn't have water.
A few minutes later, I walk into the shower. I see the male neighbors and Mom taking a shower together. Then I said, "What are you doing?" They all say, "We're taking a shower together so we could save water."
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with 3 legs?
Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with 2 legs?
Your mom.
Most embarrassing moment during sex, GO!
James Arnold: My grandma walked in while I was knife raping my wife.
Mother: How is my little cookie doing?
Doctor: Your cookie is feeling crummy right now.
Mother: Really?
Doctor: But don’t worry. Things are about to get batter.
Mother: 😁♥️🍪
Why does an orphan play soccer?
Because it's the only love they get.
Why do most orphans become prostitutes?
“Because they always wanted a daddy.”
My "parents" are so dumb. Who tf names their son "Lydia"?
Linda and Peter are having sex. Peter goes in and out hard then fast and then begins to taste her tits. Finally, he moves down to the vagina and eats her hard. His rouge is inside her body, lolling around. He fucks her hard again and his dick slicks up her vagina. The entire time she is moaning and begging for more.
When Linda cums on his penis she begins to lick his balls hard. Peter begins moaning too saying, "Linda, you're just as amazing at fucking as your sister."
A black boy walks into the kitchen where his mother is baking and accidentally pulls the flour over onto his head. He turns to his mother and says, “Look Mama, I’m a white boy!” His mother smacks him and says, “Go tell your Daddy what you just said!” The boy finds his father and says, “Look Daddy, I’m a white boy!” His Daddy bends him over, spanks him, stands the boy back up, and says, “Now, what do you have to say for yourself?” The boy replies, “I’ve only been a white boy for five minutes and I already hate you black people!”
Papyrus: Sans, stop being a lazy Bones.
Sans: Why bro, guess you don't have the back bone to do anything, heheh.
So, a mom and a dad take their son to a therapist.
“What seems to be the problem?” the therapist asked.
“Our son thinks he’s a refrigerator!” they said.
So the therapist replies, “Oh dear, that must be a problem.”
“Yeah, he sleeps with his mouth open, and the light is really bright.”
A brother and a sister always got into fights. One day the brother tells the sister, "You're adopted!" The sister yells back, "At least they wanted me!"
Dad goat: Son, do you know what I like to eat?
Son goat: No, what?
Dad goat: Goat meat.
Son goat: *Gasps*
Dad goat: Nah, I'm just KIDing.
What do a 14 year old and the fetus inside her both think?
"Man, my mom's going to kill me!"