Family jokes
I remember my dad's last words: "I met your father."
An elderly man was happy to finally see his wife again and was packing. He told everyone about the trip.
"I will see her in one week!"
A week later, he died.
I was digging in my garden when I found a treasure chest full of gold. I was about to run inside and tell my wife, but then I remembered why I was digging in my garden.
My sisters ask me, "Are you really a virgin?" I say, "That's nun of your business!"
Your mama so old, her first Christmas was the first Christmas!
Why was the baby ant confused?
Because its uncles were all aunts!
Joe Mama!
A family had a very disobedient dog. It would bite the children’s hands when they pet the animal, the dog would piss on everything, and it would chew their shoes. This is why it was adopted.
My mom said to let Jesus come inside me; now I can't sit down.
Why is an iPhone X perfect for an orphan? Because it doesn't have a home button.
Doin' ya mom oh yeah oh yeah, doin' doin' ya mom!
What do you call a mom that is yours?
Your mom!
Your mom gay.
I caught my mom licking up and down and deep throating a banana. I said, "Why are you doing that?" She replied, "I’m doing it for practice for who could suck the best dick contest in the neighborhood."
A guy tells his pal, "My wife is expecting. We're going to the clinic to see if it's a girl or a boy."
"Congrats, man. What are you gonna name it if it's a boy?"
"We're going with Trevor."
"Ok, what if it's a girl?"
"Then we'll have an abortion."
My mom told me that she and the owner of a Chinese restaurant made a deal. Now we get free Chinese food. So I ask my mom why do we get free Chinese food? Then my mom said, "I love him long time."
What did the cow say to your mom?
Hello.
I made a website for orphans, but it didn't have a home page.
Dad: How was your trip to the park?
Daughter: It was good until the man came along.
Dad: *gasps* Whatever happened, it wasn't your fault, but tell Daddy, what happened?
Daughter: He made my friends go away so it was just me and him... then he took my dress off...
Dad: Oh God, what next?
Daughter: Nothing, that was it.
Dad: Oh, come on! That wasn't exciting, make something up!
I don't understand the plane crash at 9/11. My dad was a great pilot!