Family jokes

I caught my mom licking up and down and deep throating a banana. I said, "Why are you doing that?" She replied, "I’m doing it for practice for who could suck the best dick contest in the neighborhood."

A guy tells his pal, "My wife is expecting. We're going to the clinic to see if it's a girl or a boy."

"Congrats, man. What are you gonna name it if it's a boy?"

"We're going with Trevor."

"Ok, what if it's a girl?"

"Then we'll have an abortion."

My mom told me that she and the owner of a Chinese restaurant made a deal. Now we get free Chinese food. So I ask my mom why do we get free Chinese food? Then my mom said, "I love him long time."

What did the cow say to your mom?

Hello.

I made a website for orphans, but it didn't have a home page.

Dad: How was your trip to the park?

Daughter: It was good until the man came along.

Dad: *gasps* Whatever happened, it wasn't your fault, but tell Daddy, what happened?

Daughter: He made my friends go away so it was just me and him... then he took my dress off...

Dad: Oh God, what next?

Daughter: Nothing, that was it.

Dad: Oh, come on! That wasn't exciting, make something up!

I don't understand the plane crash at 9/11. My dad was a great pilot!

If your parents ever accuse you of lying... Say, "You're the one who told me about Santa Claus!"

My mom asked me to stop making jokes about suicide.

I answered, "Don't worry... I'll stop soon."

I would create an orphan website, but you need a homepage to do that.

Jason Kenney has never worried about putting food on the table for his kids.

"Knuckle babies" don't eat.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to go and have some fun.

Silly Jill forgot the pill, and now they have a son.

Him: What's the difference between Incestry.com and Ancestry.com?

Her: What?

Him: Nothing, either way you will be dating your cousin.

A few male neighbors came over to the house to take a shower because, for some reason, their house didn't have water.

A few minutes later, I walk into the shower. I see the male neighbors and Mom taking a shower together. Then I said, "What are you doing?" They all say, "We're taking a shower together so we could save water."

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with 3 legs?

Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with 2 legs?

Your mom.

Most embarrassing moment during sex, GO!

James Arnold: My grandma walked in while I was knife raping my wife.

Mother: How is my little cookie doing?

Doctor: Your cookie is feeling crummy right now.

Mother: Really?

Doctor: But don’t worry. Things are about to get batter.

Mother: 😁♥️🍪

Why does an orphan play soccer?

Because it's the only love they get.

Why do most orphans become prostitutes?

“Because they always wanted a daddy.”

My "parents" are so dumb. Who tf names their son "Lydia"?