My girlfriend who is a Jehovah's Witness had sex with me so hard, she turned to Christianity.
HELP! I MIGHT BE A RELIGIOUS EXTREMIST BECAUSE MY RHYMES ARE DA BOMB.
This guy comes knocking on the door in hell and speaks to God. "Please let me out, it is too cold in here!"
God is all confused. "There is a big fire in there!" The guy answers, "Yes, there is, but you cannot get near it. All the bishops, cardinals, and priests are sitting around it."
A priest and a rabbi were hanging out at a playground. The priest waves to a kid to come over and tells the rabbi, "Let's screw this kid."
The rabbi looks confused and asks, "Out of what?"
I heard a motivational quote saying faith can move mountains, but faith cannot move your receding hairline.
Why do orphans come to me?
'Cause they have someone to call "father."
What's the difference between a nun and a prostitute taking a bath?
The nun has a soul full of hope...
Why did God make the devils die?
God is great!
Jesus walked, so Mohammad can fly.
Why can't orphans convert to Catholicism?
Because Catholics believe in no sex before marriage.
Now you should let your imagination work... imagine naked Jesus with an erection... and nail holes in his hands...
Why can Jesus walk on water?
Because rubbish floats.
I once put the Bible in the fiction section.
God is good. God is great.
The holy water in this church is of the highest quality: it has been assed by the bishop.
I wish everyone spoke to each other the way God did.
Religion
If you have an Autistic child, don't worry. Put your trust in God and pray it gets kidnapped.
Why did the sun go to church?
Because it needs Jesus.
God.
