Faith jokes

Science took us to the moon, and religion took us into a skyscraper.

And God said to John, "Come forth, and you shall be granted eternal life."

But John came fifth and won a toaster.

I wish everyone spoke to each other the way God did.

Why did the child die? To see God, our father.

When someone says, "Jesus," I say, "Bitch, where?"

I watched a documentary about a man who grew up in the Catholic church.

It was a touching story.

Women: Can I have your number?

Jesus: No.

Women: Why? Are you scared?

Jesus: No. Just when you wanna talk, just pray.

What's the difference between 5% of priests and 5% of atheists?

5% of atheists have seen a ghost.

5% of priests have spooked altar boys in the sacristy.

Why can't orphans convert to Catholicism?

Because Catholics believe in no sex before marriage.

What’s the difference between a Catholic and a rabbit?

One has kids to protect from predators, and the other has kids for predators.

A depressed man has been thinking of killing himself, and his friend says, "Find God, he'll help you!"

Then the man said, "There’s only one way to get to God, and that is through Jesus. Have you, my friend, found him?"

Wanna hear a joke?

Jesus being real.

Hello, this is Godlygirl26. I want to help people with their problems no matter what. There is nothing that God cannot do. I want y'all to know that God is with you, not any of those stone or wood "gods" but a true, loving, powerful God. DM this right here and I will answer. Hope I can help you! Love, Godlygirl26.

A Christian Missionary walks up to some people and says, "Come! Meet Jesus!"

One of the guys takes out a knife and says, "You first."

What do u call a Muslim praying: Allahu akbar.

Why did the sun go to church?

Because it needs Jesus.

Jesus.

Why do nuns not wear bras?

God supports everything.

I only believe in 12.5% of everything the Bible says.

Which makes me an eighth-theist.

My gay ass: I want to find Jesus.

Religious mom: FINALLY!

Me: Grabs a noose.