Faith jokes

Why do orphans pray to God?

So they have someone to call father.

Why is the Catholic church in favor of condoms now?

It's now getting harder to hide DNA evidence.

What do you call an orphan who grows up to become a priest?

Father Les.

If Jesus told you to trust everyone, that must be why there are a lot of kidnappings.

Why do animators like Christianity?

Because Jesus was the one who invented T-Pose.

Not all roses are red; Not all violets are blue; If you're reading this, God loves you.

A priest is drowning in a river. A boat comes along and asks to help him. He says, "Leave me alone, God will save me." The next day another boat came along and asked to help him. Again he said, "Leave me alone, God will save me." The next day the last boat came and asked to help him. Once again he told the boat that God will save him. The next day he died. He went to heaven and asked God, "Why didn't you save me?" God said, "I sent you three f***ing boats and you didn't take them!"

What do an Olympic silver medalist and a Catholic priest have in common?

A: They both come in a little behind.

How do you help a suicidal person cheer up?

You tell them it's a leap of faith.

In what ways do nuns and hoes have something in common?

They both worship on their knees. They are both creatures of habit. They both take vows of poverty and obedience. Once chosen, neither can leave the life. They both swallow their hosts.

They should add an eleventh commandment to the Bible:

Thou shalt not f... altar boys.

What do McDonald's and a priest have in common? They both put their meat in 10 year old buns.

God's racist. He separated light from dark.

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because it was a very large mammal; its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, "When I get to Heaven, I will ask Jonah."

The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to Hell?"

The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."