Experience jokes

I tried to commit suicide today; never doing that again. I almost killed myself.

Wanna hear a funny joke?

John's life.

My grandfather was there when the Titanic sank. He shouted 3 times that it was gonna sink until they finally kicked him out of the movie theater... haha

An assassin is about to shoot his target, "I'm about to give you the JFK experience."

I went to the store, and yeah...

Catholic men say eating broccoli is like anal sex.

If you’re forced to have it as a child, you probably won’t like it as an adult.

Why did Susie get cut from the soccer team? She has no legs!

Who broke into my house by kicking down my door? Not Susie... But she still is in my basement, since she can't run!

My friend had this annoying little kid that always used to yell and scream when he didn't get what he wanted. I told my friend there's a new attraction a few states away he could take him to.

Confused, my friend asked me what it was. I told him, "The Sandy Hook Experience: Where you come in and leave with a 'hole' lot of fun."

Three scientists are doing an experiment. They are trying to find out what happens when you stick a cork in an elephant's ass.

In the lab, they each look at each other and decide that they should hire a monkey to do it. The monkey sticks the cork up the elephant's ass, and the scientists wait three weeks.

The monkey pulls out the cork, and all three scientists go back and discuss what they saw.

The first one, standing one mile away, says all he could see was a wave of brown, then it all went black. The second, standing two miles away, said the same. The third, who was standing three miles away, said all he could see was the other two get consumed by a massive cloud of brown.

Confucius say, "Man who bite electric wire get shocking experience!"

If you’re forced to have it as a child, you won’t like it as an adult.

I guess Hitler was forced to have vegetables when he was younger.

My teacher asked what was the worst time you got paddled by your parents. My one friend said that he got in trouble and got whacked by a stick. I raised my hand and said that my dad whacked me with his dick.

People having seizures are just people dreaming about rollercoasters.

Jeffrey Dahmer was eating at 5 Guys before it was a restaurant.

I went scuba diving last year. It was fun, but at the end, I ran out of oxygen.

It was a breathtaking experience.

Just walked in on my parents doing it! Worst 30 minutes of my life.

Broccoli is like anal sex. If you're forced to have it as a child, you probably won't like it as an adult.

I remember the first time I went to one of Luis Fonsi's concerts...

I wanted to commit DEATHpacito so badly.

Ever tried Ethiopian food? No? Neither have they.

I told my doctor I ate a bunch of bananas. It wasn’t a very a-peeling experience.