"One silent evening, a man walks to his fridge to get some food. He sets out a fork and napkin on the table. He reaches to grab a salad topped with olives and cheese. He sets the food down on the table and begins to add tomatoes, condiments, and..." He is interrupted. "Why are you saying this aloud?" A young boy asks his father. The father replies with, "You wanted to know how to live on your own, but I guess experience is more helpful," he says as he rushes the child out of the front door.
Experience Jokes
What's the difference between babies and onions? I cry when I cut onions.
When someone falls, you say to them, "I remember when I started to learn to walk."
Do you know a funny bus driver? I do.
Why did the orphan cross the road?
To find his family. Sorry!
This is a bad day for me.
Déjà Vat: the feeling that you’ve heard that bad joke before.
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I have been tripping all day!
Life.
There was one girl. She met 5000 guys. She had sex with each of them seven times. She became... - flip screen (=).
Q: What's the hardest thing about losing your virginity?
A: Making sure she doesn't wake up.
Never tell an orphan about a family matter; they wouldn't understand.
I hate my birthday. For my first birthday my mom gave me my life. I liked it when it was new and fun. Now it's broken and sad and I wanna take it back.
Me: Have you ever went sky diving?
Friend: No.
Me: Well don't, it sucks.
Friend: Why?
Me: They gave me a parachute and I lived.
Okay, so I ate an apple and it tasted good.
I tried to commit suicide today; never doing that again. I almost killed myself.
Wanna hear a funny joke?
John's life.
An assassin is about to shoot his target, "I'm about to give you the JFK experience."
I went to the store, and yeah...
Catholic men say eating broccoli is like anal sex.
If you’re forced to have it as a child, you probably won’t like it as an adult.
