Experience jokes

A 10-year-old: "I don't want to smile without having a reason to. People shouldn't think I'm happy 24/7."

A 10-year-old, a week later: "Damn... my life is shitty..."

<2 years later> 12-year-old: "What is de-pre-ssion?" *googles it*

Now 14-year-old: "Oh..."

"One silent evening, a man walks to his fridge to get some food. He sets out a fork and napkin on the table. He reaches to grab a salad topped with olives and cheese. He sets the food down on the table and begins to add tomatoes, condiments, and..." He is interrupted. "Why are you saying this aloud?" A young boy asks his father. The father replies with, "You wanted to know how to live on your own, but I guess experience is more helpful," he says as he rushes the child out of the front door.

What's the difference between babies and onions? I cry when I cut onions.

When someone falls, you say to them, "I remember when I started to learn to walk."

Do you know a funny bus driver? I do.

Why did the orphan cross the road?

To find his family. Sorry!

This is a bad day for me.

Déjà Vat: the feeling that you’ve heard that bad joke before.

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I have been tripping all day!

Life.

There was one girl. She met 5000 guys. She had sex with each of them seven times. She became... - flip screen (=).

Q: What's the hardest thing about losing your virginity?

A: Making sure she doesn't wake up.

Never tell an orphan about a family matter; they wouldn't understand.

I hate my birthday. For my first birthday my mom gave me my life. I liked it when it was new and fun. Now it's broken and sad and I wanna take it back.

Me: Have you ever went sky diving?

Friend: No.

Me: Well don't, it sucks.

Friend: Why?

Me: They gave me a parachute and I lived.

Okay, so I ate an apple and it tasted good.

I tried to commit suicide today; never doing that again. I almost killed myself.

Wanna hear a funny joke?

John's life.

An assassin is about to shoot his target, "I'm about to give you the JFK experience."

I went to the store, and yeah...