Expectation jokes
I hate it when people think I'm a boy because I have short hair. I mean, I'm gay, what do you expect?
Little Johnny was sitting in class one day, and the teacher was talking about life. The teacher asked him, "Little Johnny, how do you want your wife to be like?" Little Johnny answered, "Like the moon." The teacher said, "That's such a beautiful answer because it's calm and peaceful." Little Johnny replied, "No, because it appears at night and disappears in the morning."
Three kids one day found a magical slide. There was a sign next to it saying, “Whatever you wish for comes true once you slide down.” One kid stepped up and slid down. He wished for a river of chocolate, thus he swam in a chocolate river.
The second kid slid down and wished for a mountain of money. He then landed in a pile of money. The third kid went down and said, “Weeeeeeee!”
Hey, wanna hear a joke?
Yeah, me too.
When she says she wrestles, so you pull out your dick and she punches it.
A man walks to the window and opens it and pulls out his phone and takes a photo. "One more picture and I'll jump." He takes another photo and shuts the window. "I can't jump, you're not supposed to throw trash out the window."
Roses are red, violets are blue, she is hot, but you're as ugly as poo.
Me: Have you ever went sky diving?
Friend: No.
Me: Well don't, it sucks.
Friend: Why?
Me: They gave me a parachute and I lived.
Why did the vegetable cross the road? He didn't, he just sat there.
Roses are red, chocolate is brown,
I expect nothing and still get let down!
What's the difference between a five-year-old and a Democrat?
The five-year-old doesn't expect you to do everything for them.
(Vote for Ted Cruz, Ben Shapiro 2020)
Men vacuum in the same way that they have sex. They just put it in and make some noise for 3 minutes before they collapse on the couch and think that their wife should be really happy.
Teacher: What’s 2+2?
Jimmy: 2+2=feEesh
Teacher: Well, Jimmy I can see you're going places, not college, but places.
Who's the best at musical chairs?
Stephen Hawking.
What sayd the man to the woman??
Go to the kitchen lol.
I hope when I inevitably choke to death on gummy bears, people just say I was killed by bears and leave it at that.
What did the knight say to his younger brother? "Good night."
You expected a silly pun there, didn't you? That's pretty rude. It makes light of the struggles of being a knight. Especially a good knight.
I asked the doctor doing my prostate exam where I should put my pants. "Next to mine" was not the answer I was expecting.
Life is like a box of chocolates, mostly disappointing.
I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes.
The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.