Expectation jokes
Viagra is a lot like amusement parks...
It's a one hour wait, for a two-minute ride.
What’s twelve inches and white?
Nothing.
What does a kid with cancer and a house fly have in common? A life expectancy of 15-25 days.
Alec is bad at League?
Jokes, Jarid is, haha!
I love how in horror movies the person calls out, "Hello," as if the psycho will answer, "Hey, what's up? I'm in the kitchen. Want a sandwich?"
A guy and a woman are walking into a forest. The woman says she is lonely. The guy then says, "Don't worry, there will be a third person in a little while."
There are five cows on a farm, one mamma cow and four baby calves. The first baby walks up to the mom and asks, "Momma, why is my name Rose?" The mommy cow replies, "Well honey, a rose petal fell on your head when you were born." The next calf comes up and asks, "Momma, why is my name Lily?" The mother replies, "Because honey, a lily petal fell on your head when you were born." The third baby comes up and asks, "Momma, why is my name Daisy?" The momma cow again replieds, "Well, when you were born a daisy petal fell on your head." The final baby walks over and says, "Huh Ruh Buh Duh!" The momma cow says, "Shut up, Cinderblock!"
Well, I don't have a joke but... I have a poem.
My dick is red, your pussy is blue. I... lied to you.
James: I have a joke. Sex!
Ronny: I don't get it.
James: Exactly.
Bought my son a trampoline for his birthday. The ungrateful fucker just sat in his wheelchair and cried.
Why don't seagulls fly over the bay? Because then they would be expect bagels.
There was this man, and he forgot about his wife's birthday. She was very upset and said that her present should come as fast as 1-200 by tomorrow. When she woke up, she saw a present in the bathroom. It was a scale.
And the lord said unto John, "Come forth and you will receive eternal life." But John came fifth and won a toaster.
What does a 90 year old's pussy taste like? Depends...
What does a girl want more than anything in the world?
Nothing. She's fine.
The three unwritten rules of life: 1. 2. 3.
A mathematician stumbles home drunk at 3 a.m., and his wife is livid. "You swore that you'd be home by 11:45!"
"No," slurs the mathematician, "I said I'd be home by a quarter of 12."
Two men were talking about their wives. The first man says, "My wife is an angel." The second man says, "You're lucky, mine's still alive."