Existentialism jokes

I love how all these jokes about different accidents have happened, but why isn't anyone writing about how much of an accident we all were?

Me: tries to scan self at Walmart. I can't scan myself, wanna know why?

Alfred: Why?

Me: because I'm worthless... =)

What's the difference between that bridge and my will to live? None, they're both too short.

I wanna die.

My friend is a pimp.

I think he's having an existential crisis. Lately, he just wants to be alone with his thots.

Let’s say there’s a person who should have never come to exist. How would you find them?

A: Look in a mirror.

What's worse than depression & suicide?

Easy: LIVING. Everyday you wish you were dead but then reality hits you in the face that you're still alive and have to suffer living.

Pretend or not pretend, we have to decide everyday even if we don't pretend no one will notice :) no one ever does :). Living is the problem to everything. We get depression cuz of it and so much. Why can't we just die :)?

God, when terminally ill children beg him to heal them:

God: No, I don’t want to.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

He was just feeling like he needed a break, you know? Life is hard when you're a rooster looking after your hen and chicks. He just wanted a sense of normality, walking out of the farm. He felt light-headed, staring into the distance. Then, at this very moment, he realised it was his darkest hour.

Join us for more of the story, after the break!

Roses are red, violets are blue, I don't know why I am still alive for you.

Why was six afraid of seven?

Six, seven.

Who am I?

OTHERS (MOTIVATED): If I had FLYING as a SUPERPOWER, FALLING would be the BEGINNING STAGE.

ME (DEPRESSED): OK, GOOD IDEA! LETS FALL OFF THE CLIFF AND FLY TO HEAVEN!!

Roses are red,

romance is dead,

every day I suffer from existential dread.

Isn't it ironic that the actually nice people tend to be suicidal?

Think about it: suicide exists to make sure bad people bother each other instead.

Why doesn't my egg want to crack?

Because I hate my egg-sistence.