Existentialism jokes

What's the difference between that bridge and my will to live? None, they're both too short.

What made me laugh?

The fact that my life is a joke."

Getting murdered by someone is probably the most intimate experience I'll ever have.

Me: tries to scan self at Walmart. I can't scan myself, wanna know why?

Alfred: Why?

Me: because I'm worthless... =)

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

My life.

My life who?

My life is depressing...

OTHERS (MOTIVATED): If I had FLYING as a SUPERPOWER, FALLING would be the BEGINNING STAGE.

ME (DEPRESSED): OK, GOOD IDEA! LETS FALL OFF THE CLIFF AND FLY TO HEAVEN!!

Teacher: "What do you think is your purpose in our society?"

Me: "To reduce the population by one."

I was happy for once, and my family was happy I was happy, but that all changed when they found out I was thinking about bridges and humans.

I wanna die.

When you're depressed about the world :( but you remember you will soon die :)

Hey, Reaper!!! Where are you going?

"I finished my job."

What about me?

I don't want to die alone... That is why I am working my way up to become a suicide bomber!

Do you want to know what gifts God gave me?

He didn't give me any.

I was made by the Devil.

Roses are red,

romance is dead,

every day I suffer from existential dread.

If I were an object in this world, I'd be a glass! Because if you leave me when I'm too close to the edge, I will likely shatter and break.

If I was a pizza topping, I would be pineapple! Because everybody doubts me.

I'm a star! Because one of these days, I'm going to crash and burn...

If I could choose what creature I come back as after I die, I'd be a panda, because people would give a shit if I went extinct.

I'm like the sun; I'm painful to look at.

If I was a food, I would be chopped liver because nobody likes me.

I'm like an eggshell... broken and empty.

If I was a mythical creature, I'd be a unicorn! Because nobody believes in me.

I'm like a flashlight with old batteries inside because my inner light died a long time ago.

My soul is a raisin because it's dried up, shriveled, and not everyone likes it.

I'm like the moon because you only get to see one side of me.

I'm like the moon because as the month progresses, my life becomes covered more and more by darkness.

I'm like an extremely powerful fan! Because I push everyone away.

I'm like a disposable camera! People use me once and then just throw me away.

I'm like a shitty book cover... because people think they have the right to judge and label me before they read my pages.

My brain and body is essentially a really old married couple that can't afford to go through with the divorce, and now they are stuck in a toxic relationship they are desperate to escape, but the more they try, the more they sink into the quicksand that is my depression and anxiety.

Help me....

My life. BAHAHAHHAHHAHAHHAHAHHHA

Why was six afraid of seven?

Six, seven.

DEPRESSION SPEEDRUN starter-kit:

* Parental issues * Money problems * Genetic likeliness * Horrible friends * Annoying neighbors/classmates * School * Being alive * Actually being a good person for once * Giving a f#ck * War-ridden area * All future options kinda suck

Isn't it ironic that the actually nice people tend to be suicidal?

Think about it: suicide exists to make sure bad people bother each other instead.

Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer you get to the end, the faster it goes, and everyone is trying to shit on ya.