Everydayness jokes

1+1 answer 2 said all the kids, but 1 kid said 5. Then I said your mom feels embarrassed because everyday you look into the mirror, you see how empty your brain is.

What do you do if you see an Indian woman getting raped? Nothing, since raping is a normal everyday part of Indian culture.

I named my dog "5 miles," so now I can tell people I walk "5 miles" everyday. 😏😎

A woman prayed to be a mother everyday for many years until she crossed a road without looking and got hit by a woman driver and died.

When she met God, she asked Him, "How come you didn't answer my prayers?"

God replied, "I did. I kept sending men to rape you, but you kept on choosing to destroy my creations by having an abortion."

I was in class and we had to choose another term for words we use everyday. For kid, I chose "child"; for dog, I chose "pet"; and for wife, I chose "dishwasher."

I named my dog Stone so that I can say to people that I throw stones every day.

You learn something new every day.

Like the people in 9/11 are the world's fastest readers; they went through 100s in under a second.

What is it called when you whoop a donkey?

A whooped ass and apparently some people get that everyday from their drunk dads.

When I have a staring contest, I always win.

Every day, I see blind people who hate me.

I’ve two dogs and two cats, and they are all Democrats. They want a handout everyday.

Roses are red,

romance is dead,

every day I suffer from existential dread.

What brings kids to school every day?

A school bus 🚌.

Ashley said to me one day, "What is my name?"

And I said, "My name is everyday life of stupidity."

This dude is so fat, wearing the same damn clothes every day. Every time he turns around, it's his graduation day. He forgot to put a boomerang on his pants because they don't even fit anymore. Last time I saw him coming down the street, it was in a bucket of Popeye's chicken, extra crispy.

My boyfriend always likes when I wear my fishnet sleeves. He says it looks great on me, but he doesn’t know that my skin is covered with scars... no one does. No one questions why I wear them everyday. I hope it stays like that because I can’t deal with my mom finding out that I still hurt myself.

A girl did squats everyday with a 20 pound weight in her hand to finally text her boyfriend, "Show me your dick now!"

Are you a toaster? 'Cause I wanna take a bath with you.

Are you a knife? 'Cause you make me wanna KMS.

Are you a painting? 'Cause I hang you.

Are you the flu? 'Cause you make me wanna hurl.

Are you a newspaper? 'Cause you have new problems every day.

Are you the ground? 'Cause I'm six feet deep in you ;)

Would you rather have a menstrual period with horrible cramps for 200 days straight (including men)?

Or eat 10 lbs of dog s**t every day for 100 days?

Which freedom fighter do we say "good morning" every day?

Answer: Subah Chandra Bose.

"Subah" means morning.

Yo mama so short, she wakes up every day in a brick house singing “Everything is Awesome”.