I’m becoming a litter bit more zebra everyday
I’d roast you but your mirror does that for me everyday
A person laughs everyday. "Man," they say, "I'm glad I'm not an egg, otherwise I'd just CRACK MYseLf uP!
How do chickens 🐔 get stronger and stronger?
They egg-cersize everyday!
What do you do if you see a indian woman getting raped? Nothing, since raping is a normal everyday part of indian culture
1+1 answer 2 said all the kids but 1 kid said 5 then I said your mom fells inbarest cause everyday you look in to the mirror you see how empty your brain is
What's the city with the fastest growing population? Ireland cuz it's Dublin everyday
A woman prayed to be a mother everyday for many years until she crossed a road without looking and got hit by a woman driver and died. When she met God she asked Him how come you didnt answer my prayers? God replied 'i did, i kept sending men to rape you but you kept on choosing to destroy my creations by having an abortion'
I named my Dog ‘5 miles’ so now I can tell people I walk ‘5 miles’ everyday😏😎
Three men are working on a building site.
Everyday, they sit down to eat their lunch together at the top of the building.
The first man opens his lunchbox to reveal a ham sandwich.
“By god,” the man exclaims, “I hate ham sandwiches. I’ve been working in construction for twenty years, and everyday, despite me telling her how much I despise it, my wife gives me a ham sandwich. If I get a ham sandwich in my lunch again, I will throw myself off the top of this building and kill myself.”
The second man opens his lunchbox, revealing a cheese sandwich.
“Holy crow, another cheese sandwich! I hate these things, I tell you. Everyday, I tell my wife how much I despise cheese sandwiches, but I still get them in my lunch. I’m with you buddy—if I ever get a cheese sandwich in my lunch again, I’m killing myself.”
The third man, having opened his lunchbox, now pipes in.
“I don’t believe it—another tuna sandwich! If I had a penny for every time I’ve told my wife how much I hate these, I wouldn’t have to work on this sordid site no more! I’m sick of it—count me in, if I get a tuna sandwich in my lunchbox again, I’m killing myself.”
The next day, the three men regroup at the top of the building and open their lunchboxes: the first man – a ham sandwich, the second – a cheese sandwich, the third – a tuna sandwich.
The three men exchange solemn looks before jumping in unison from the height of the building.
At the funeral for the three men, their grieving wives turn to each other.
“If only I’d known how much he didn’t like ham sandwiches,” says the first man’s wife, “I always thought he was being ironic!”
“And if only I’d known how much he didn’t like cheese sandwiches,” says the second man’s wife, “I always thought he was being sarcastic!”
“And if only I’d known how much he didn’t like tuna sandwiches,” says the third man’s wife, “but I don’t know what good it would have done—the fool made his own lunch!”
I was in class and we had to chose another term for words we use everyday, for kid I chose child for dig I chose pet and for wife I chose dishwasher
You learn something new everyday. Like the people in 9 11 are the worlds fastest readers they went through 100s in under a seconds
I named my dog stone so that i can say to people that i throw stone everyday.
What is it called when u whoop a donkey?
A whooped ass and apparently some people get that everyday from their drunk dads.
When I have a staring contest, I always win. Everyday, I see blind people who hate me.
I’ve two dogs and two cats, and they are all Democrats...they want a handout everyday
What brings kids to school everyday? A school bus 🚌
Ashley said to me one day that what is my name and I said my name is everyday life of stupidity