You're so poor, if I ever broke into your house, I'd give you things.
Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered, "Y?"
Why is September 11th the best birthday ever? No one forgets it :)
Why is September 11th the best birthday ever? No one forgets it :)
Did you ever see any white men drowning in the Atlantic Ocean?
Yeah, it went on and on.
I saw a girl with blond hair. She was sexy and beautiful. I thought she was the most hottest girl I ever saw, so I ran up to her feeling hot.
If you're ever bored, try scaring the sh*t out of an Asian to see their eyes open for the first time.
"I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. He later told me it was the most violent book he'd ever read."
Ever noticed that "lol" looks like a person drowning?
The last time I ever made a joke was just now.
Worst joke ever: me and my user.
I asked an emo girl, "Do you ever get jealous of your phone when it dies?"
You ever look back at your ex and are like, "Wow! What was I thinking?"
Then I start to think I was the problem :(
Just kidding, fuck that asshole!
Chuck Norris is the only man that ever had sex with my wife and survived. Oh, how did I survive?
Fortunately, being her husband, I was the one person she wasn't fucking.
How do you surprise a 50-year-old man? By putting a 12-inch dick through his ass.
He said, "Best surprise ever!"
Don't ever tell somebody depressed to try again.
Why is Texas the worst state ever?
They only have one star.
Why is September 11th the best birthday?
No one ever forgets it! <3
Why is September 11th the best birthday? Because no one ever forgets it!
Ever heard of ligma? Ligma ba--
