What do you sing on a dead person's birthday?
"Happy Death-Day To You!"
Your breath is so hot, it made the Chicago fire!
My grandpa died in 9/11. I was told his last words were "Allahu Akbar."
What's the funniest thing about being ringside at a UFC fight?
When you look around and all of the spectators are wearing white gowns and fuzzy socks, and you realize you aren't at a UFC event, you're watching your fellow patients fight to the death at a psychiatric facility.
I've never seen my dad since September 11. I wonder where he is...
What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match.
Sally threw herself a birthday party, and only one person showed up. Who is it?
The grim reaper.
There were 500 bricks on a plane. One fell off.
Little Sally was crossing a river full of crocodiles. How did she survive the river? She had a gun. When she got out of the river, she died. Why? Because a brick fell on her head.
One day a guy named Carson is called a jerk, and he says, "I went to a party with my girlfriend, and this random guy walks up to us and says, 'Can I borrow your girlfriend for 30 minutes?' I say yes, and he takes her upstairs. It was not only 30 minutes, but an hour. When she came back down, she was out of breath, so I knew it was a pretty intense conversation." This happens about 3 more times that night.
But as I was saying, only a nice guy would let his girlfriend make friends with other guys. 😊😇
The wedding was so emotional, even the cake was in tiers.
Once we went to a light bulb party last night, YO it was freakin lit.
One weekend some distant family members that I hadn't met before came over. My cousins (who I also hadn't met before) were fighting, so I decided to separate them and place them in opposite corners of the room (thinking it would help).
My mom took me to an empty room with tears in her eyes and told me they both ended up dying.
Well, SO-RRY, but I didn't know they were conjoined twins.
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love, and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
I was going to invite your friends to your birthday, but they were all extinct.
When I die, I want to be shot out of a cannon.
And into a children's birthday party.
How do you organize a space party?
You planet.
Yo mama so stupid, she went to the Super Bowl with a spoon!
How do you plan a party in outer space?
You planet.
Why did 10 kill itself?
Because it was between 9/11.
Q: Why can't skeletons go to the dance?
A: He doesn't have the guts for it.
