Event jokes
A guy wins a free ticket to the Super Bowl and so he’s very excited.
However, he’s not so excited when he gets there and realizes his seat’s in the back of the stadium.
So he looks around him for a better seat, and to his surprise he finds an empty seat right next to the field.
He approaches the older guy who’s sitting in the seat next to the empty one and asks if the seat is taken.
The man replies, “No.”
The young guy is very surprised to hear this and asks, “How could someone pass up a seat like this?”
The older guy replies, “It’s my wife’s seat. We’ve been to every Super Bowl together since the day we were married but she’s passed away.”
“Oh, how sad,” the young guy says, taken aback. “I’m sorry to hear that, but couldn’t you find a friend or relative to come with you?”
“No,” the man replies, “They’re all at the funeral.”
"Did you go to the light show?"
"Yeah, it was lit."
"I love you 😘" was the night you got a iiooooo.
What time is it when you get home?
"Knock Knock"
"Who's there?"
"9/11"
"9/11 Who?"
"I thought you'd never forget..."
Q: Who are the fastest readers in the world?
A: 9/11 victims. They went through 89 stories in 7 seconds.
Me: Wanna play 9/11?
Friend: What's that?
Me: It's a game where I kick you in both legs and watch you fall.
Two people just met. One said, “We should do some bonding.” The other nodded and said back, “Titanic.” The first just looked confused so the second one just said, “Sorry, thought that would be a good icebreaker.”
Why did the skeleton not go to prom?
Because it had no body to dance with!
Why are the 9/11 survivors the fastest readers in the world?
Because they went down 109 stories in 10 seconds.
Everyone when we're in the cafeteria singing happy birthday to some random person: "Happy birthday to you..., Happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear
Me in the background: Happy deathday to you..., Happy deathday to you, happy death day dear___, happy death day to you!"
So, me and my friend dressed as dead people for Halloween. The only difference in the costume was that he was actually dead.
Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball? He didn't have any BODY to go with.
Getting hurt is a bone-breaking experience. It's such a spine-tingling event!
Q: Why don't orphans turn up to parents evening?
A: Because they don't have any parents.
Three conspiracy theories walked into a bar, now tell me that's not a coincidence!
I hooked up with the groom at my uncle's wedding.
Your clown is so stupid it took a spoon to the Super Bowl.
When I go to weddings, old people will tell me I'm next, but when I go to funerals, I tell old people they're next.
Why didn't the skeleton go to prom?
He was dead. You fool. You fell for my trick. I'm very heartless.
Oh wait.
You fool!