A man goes into Heaven and there he meets Jesus. He asks Jesus what that broken clock is there for. Jesus says, "That is Mother Teresa’s clock, it has never moved because she has never lied."
"There is Abraham Lincoln's clock. He has lied twice so it has moved twice."
"Where is Donald Trump’s?" asks the man. Jesus answers, "It is in my office, I am using it as a ceiling fan."
Mom told me drugs are my enemies.
Jesus said to like your enemies.
Yay, I can like drugs then!
My favorite species is a cheetah because
Ima cheet-ah on the test.
Bored?
Burn an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
You would think catholic churches would be in favor of condoms: less DNA evidence.
Once I told an abortion joke and this woman was like, "I've had an abortion, that's offensive." And I was like, "I just tell jokes, I think what you do is much worse."
Why are all these pathetic jokes about school shootings?😒 You all are so fucking pathetic... Humanity is officially gone, stupid bitches...
I would slap you, but that would be animal abuse.
I was gonna tell a joke about a dead fetus, but I decided to abort it.
No means no, but if you use chloroform, it’s a guaranteed yes.
Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a few hours.
Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
Why is it that when women decide to kill an unborn baby, it's a "CHOICE," but when I decide to drive my F-150 into a playground full of kids, it's called "MURDER"!
In History class, the teacher taught a lesson about serial killer Albert Fish. Back in the early 20th century, Fish reportedly kidnapped, ate, and raped over 100 kids. He mainly chose victims who were either retarded or black. Further on the lesson, the teacher explained how in those days, black people were socially not equal with white people, and how people with mental illness were not accepted and treated properly due to a lack of knowledge of mental health.
One of the students raised their hand and said, “You ought to be arrested.” The teacher confusedly asked, “Why?” The student explained, “Because you’re thinking like Albert Fish.”
If 80% of all suicides in the UK are males, and women want equality, then maybe they should just kill themselves.
Do you have dark humor?
Actually, never mind. I was going to tell you a joke about babies dying... but I decided to abort.
The only time rape jokes are funny is never.
What's the name of a cannibal's favorite all-you-can-eat buffet? Planned Parenthood!
I decided to make a charity bungee jump for the local disabled. It's called "Spastics on Elastics."
One day my girlfriend and I were just hanging out and she needed to tell our dad that we were going out.
If you ever get mad, just punch an orphan. What are they supposed to do? Tell their parents?
