I played piano at a Worthmore disabled elderly center. Then after I was done, I said, "How about you give me a standing ovation?"
I regret it to this day. Now I am forced to live here at Worthmore, and sit on my wheelchair, sad and lonely.
There was a news story the other day where a magician disappeared. He was like "At the count of 3 I will disappear aight...Uno, Dos," and he disappeared without a trace.
Why did Stephen Hawking go on to Britain's Got Talent?
To sing.
Why don’t rappers tell secrets?
Because they always end up DROPPING it.
What is Rapboat's favorite musical note? A minor.
Why did the skeleton go to the movies by himself?
He had no body to go with.
Runescape is the only form of birth control that is 100% effective.
What did a comedian say at a show full of blind people?
"What's up?"
What did Harry Houdini say when he did his famous vanishing act at a sushi place?
"Now sashimi, now you don't!"
What do an acting role and playing sports have in common?
If you break a leg, you get cast.
Why did your dad FUCKING LEAVE YOU? He went to suck balls.
What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?
She gagged.
Yeah man, you watch Pornhub, and you have premium too, but at least I don't need Premium to see your mom in bed.
Spongebob: Easy now, you try first. Get a jar.
Patrick: *picks up nuke*
Spongebob: Patrick, that's a nuke!
Patrick: Yes.
Nuke: *boom*
Welcome to Blind Date. With me, Stevie Wonder!
Does anyone have an Xbox One? My gamertag is Chalkyfrog11. Add me and comment on this post telling me your gamertag.
Your mum's so dumb, she thought Pornhub was a corn hub!
Yo mama's so stupid, she frickin' died at the Super Bowl!
If you spin a fidget spinner, You'll end up spinning it too fast. When you end up spinning it too fast, it will make you fly away. When you fly away, you'll end up in a tree. When you end up in a tree, you'll see that your friends are hanging out without you. When you see that your friends are hanging out without you, you'll run away in the woods because you're sad. When you ran away in the woods, you'll see a bear. When you see a bear, it will chase you. When the bear chases you, you'll build a fort to protect yourself. When you build a fort to protect yourself, you then notice you're lonely. You'll become friends with the bear. When you become friends with a bear, you'll start to act like a bear. When you start to act like a bear, you will become a bear.
DO NOT BECOME A BEAR! NEVER PLAY WITH A FIDGET SPINNER!
A man with 20 dollars walked into Dave & Buster's. He went to the bathroom to wash his hands. He walked out without any clothes but still has his money.
What do monkeys and gorillas love to listen to?
The Monkees and Gorillaz.
