Employment jokes

"Dick, you're fired."

"I'd buy that for a dollar."

Why didn't the sun get a job? Seriously, I have no idea why. Help me!

I got a new job at a trampoline park the other day. If I’m being honest, it’s got its ups and downs.

Did you hear about the man that got fired from his can job? It was soda-pressing.

Yo mama so ugly, when she entered the scare factory, she came out with a job application.

I got a job at the can factory, but it is soda-pressing.

Why did Santa go to work? Because he was just trying out the work! 😂😂

I think I might apply for a job cleaning mirrors. It’s a job I can see myself doing.

The bakery where I work is being robbed. I said to the people, "I am calling the police." Then I realized they did not come for the money; they came for the bread. Huh, go figure!

I have a bunch of jokes about unemployed people. It's a shame they never work!

I made a bunch of jokes about unemployed people. Sadly, all of them don't work.

[God creating sharks]

God: Ok give them 3 rows of teeth.

Angel: Seems excessive but ok.

God: And make them mean as hell.

Angel: WTF y.

God: BECAUSSE I SAID SO.

Angel:...

God: And make one of the types have a hammer for a head.

Angel: Why do I still work for you?

God: Because I’m the only employer as of right now.

Business Interview With Depression Inside my brain...

Me: So... You're new? Depression: (I don't know who he is yet) mHMMMmmm! Me: Well what are your skills? Depression: Oh, taking control and leading... You know... Me: What are you trying out for? Depression: Oh, Vice Leader of Negative Thoughts. Me: Well we do need someone over there- for somewhat reason nobody wanted that job... Me: How did you know about us? Depression: Oh- I knew because of Anxiety, you know, we're friends! Me: Interesting... (Still has no idea about Anxiety and it's problemos) Me: Well I think you're signed up! I'll give you the job! Depression: tHaNKS :)

AND THATS HOW MY LIFE GOT DESTROYED :]

Today; worst day ever.

My annoying sibling got hit by a train, and I lost my job as a conductor.

Why can't orphans work at S.C. Johnson? Cause it's a family company.

What do you not want to do when it comes to giving an emo a job?

Showing them the ropes.

Why does the pimp always use job fairs as a way of recruiting new hoes?

He always gets a great turnout.

What's the best part of working at an abortion clinic? Free dog food.

Suicidal people are a big contributor to the rope making industry.

It’s not rape if she’s a dead bear and I lost my job at the circus.