Employment jokes
Business Interview With Depression Inside my brain...
Me: So... You're new? Depression: (I don't know who he is yet) mHMMMmmm! Me: Well what are your skills? Depression: Oh, taking control and leading... You know... Me: What are you trying out for? Depression: Oh, Vice Leader of Negative Thoughts. Me: Well we do need someone over there- for somewhat reason nobody wanted that job... Me: How did you know about us? Depression: Oh- I knew because of Anxiety, you know, we're friends! Me: Interesting... (Still has no idea about Anxiety and it's problemos) Me: Well I think you're signed up! I'll give you the job! Depression: tHaNKS :)
AND THATS HOW MY LIFE GOT DESTROYED :]
Today; worst day ever.
My annoying sibling got hit by a train, and I lost my job as a conductor.
Why can't orphans work at S.C. Johnson? Cause it's a family company.
What do you not want to do when it comes to giving an emo a job?
Showing them the ropes.
Why does the pimp always use job fairs as a way of recruiting new hoes?
He always gets a great turnout.
What's the best part of working at an abortion clinic?
Free dog food.
Suicidal people are a big contributor to the rope making industry.
It’s not rape if she’s a dead bear and I lost my job at the circus.
My friend dreamed of being a porno star.
He did it for 3 months and decided it was not for him.
The next job he got was pumping petrol. Halfway through filling up, he pulled the hose out and started spraying all over the car!
I'd tell you a joke about unemployed people, but none of them work.
Some people don't appreciate what I do for a living.
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A job is like virginity. Not everyone loses it.
Why did the zookeeper lose his job? For choking the chicken and spanking the monkey!
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to his job at KFC!
When you're fucking your boss's daughter, then you realize that you are self-employed.
Yo mama is so stupid that she got fired from the M&M factory for throwing away all the W's.
I saw your mother get into a white Ford Taurus on the corner of Milton and Halliburton, and you're still trying to tell me she ain't got no job cause she "can't get a ride to work?"
I used to work at a bank, then I lost interest.
I used to work at a bank, then I lost interest.
John: Hi, boss, it is raining heavily today, so I will not be coming.
Boss: You stated in your job application that swimming was your hobby, so see you at 11 AM.