Employment jokes
Q: Where does a one-legged waitress work?
A: IHOP.
My friend's daughter is taking a job in California parking cars. She says she wants to be a valet girl. For sure. For sure.
Did you hear of my new job as a can crusher? It's soda pressing.
I see that you start work at 9am, but your hairline starts at 9:15am.
Wood-fired pizza.
How would pizza get a job now?
9 people walked into Bunnings Warehouse.
2 people bought plants.
3 people bought shovels.
1 person yelled.
3 people left Bunnings Warehouse.
1 person was me. I guess those three people are fired! 💁♀️🤦♀️
I worked at a calendar factory, but I got the sack for taking a few days off!
I can't believe I got fired at the calendar factory. I mean... all I did was take a day off!
I want a job cleaning mirrors. I could really see myself doing it!
I got fired from a pickle factory for getting my finger caught in a slicer. They only gave *her* the day off with pay... unfair!
I asked my new girlfriend how many men she’d had before me.
She said not to worry, she could count them all on one hand.
Unfortunately, this was when I noticed she’s holding her cell phone with a calculator app open. I took note of her wallet inside a picture of what appeared to be 10 guys. I asked and she said that’s my fam as well. I noticed an Alabama driver's license. I asked which one was her dad. She said that she doesn’t talk to him anymore because he had sex with the boss’s daughter. I casually asked what he did for work. Self-employed? She said that’s the last time I use ancestry.com!
I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance on the cliff, so I pushed her over because I lost my balance!
I lost my job making storage units for the police after a week. I guess you could say it was a brief case.
I quit my job at the bank today. I lost interest.
Today was a bad day. First, my ex got hit by a bus. Then I lost my job as a bus driver.
"Dick, you're fired."
"I'd buy that for a dollar."
Why didn't the sun get a job? Seriously, I have no idea why. Help me!
I got a new job at a trampoline park the other day. If I’m being honest, it’s got its ups and downs.
Did you hear about the man that got fired from his can job? It was soda-pressing.
Yo mama so ugly, when she entered the scare factory, she came out with a job application.