Emergency Jokes

I hate when people make 911 jokes, im just blown away.

why do 911 jokes always fail. they always crash and burn

Patient: where are you taking me, doctor? Doctor: the morgue Patient: hang on! I'm not dead yet! Doctor: and we're not there yet!

i was drinking a martini when a waitress yelled " do you know CPR?" i replied "i know the entire alphabet!" we all laughed and laughed, well. except one person

You were born on a highway because that's where most accidents happen

What did the phone receptionist at the suicide hotline tell the callers? Hang in there.

I was just sitting down when all of a sudden she screamed help.

Why do I carry pepper spray? JUST IN CASE OF AS-SAULT.

You here about the roman numeral hospital

All they have is IVs!

a women wakes up in a hospital after a accident and yells "doctor doctor i cant feel my legs" and the doctor say "i know i amputated your arms"

The school shotter when the cops show up be like:

Aint nothing gunna break my stride, aint nothing gunna hold me down. Oh oh. Ive got to keep on moving.

one day I saw my friend in a hospital bed. He told me to call 911. Instead I called his parents.

Two hunters were walking through the forest one day. All of the sudden, one of them passes out. The other hunter panics and dials 911. The emergency responder says “911, whats your emergency?” The hunter replies “My friend just passed out and I don’t know what to do! I think he might be dead!” The emergency responder replies “Before you do anything, make sure he is dead.” The phone goes silent and then the responder hears a gunshot. The hunter gets back on the phone and says “Ok, now what?”

Who does Adolph Hitler call in a emergency? Nein-Nein-Nein

He died because of a fuck up by the Hospital, apparently the doctor said to the nurse you can discharge Mr Hawking now, so she went to his room and pulled the plug out of his computer.