Dying jokes
Did you know your pupils are the last part to stop working when you die? They dilate.
As the Navy SEALs burst into Osama Bin Laden's room in his Pakistani compound, his last dying words forever rang in the ears of the SEALs...
"It was just a prank bro."
I hope I die peacefully in my sleep like my mother.
Not screaming like her passengers.
I don’t know why I go to the gym. Being healthy is dying as fast as possible, and I really want to speed that shit up.
Why did the emo kids stop going to their favorite tree?
It died before them.
When I die, I'll let everyone I kept dear lower my coffin into the ground.
So they can let me down one last time.
My dad died in 9/11, he was a great pilot.
Stephen Hawking is just in a role play. He died to a crash in Minecraft.
How did a man know his wife died?
Dishis start piling up.
Why did Jesus die at the diving Olympics? Because he can't go through water.
Your dad died of hunger on the journey to find the milk.
Why are graveyards so popular? Because people are always dying to get into them.
I don't want to die.
The patient said, "When will this be over?"
The doctor said, "After you die."
The patient says, "Was that a morbid joke?"
The doctor says, "Well, um, actually, you'll die because we broke the needles and the cure."
The patient says, "Well, it's a bright day, maybe if you weren't clumsy!"
There was a fire at my high school when I was in Year 7.
When the local newspaper interviewed my teacher, they asked her how she was seeing the "bright side" of it.
She said, "Well, at least our new students got a warm welcome!"
54 students died that day.
If being near immortal was a normal thing, I bet wanting to die would've been too.
If Trump pooped in a toilet, the toilet would die.
Last week I felt so high and mighty I thought I could fly. I took one shot, puffed through my pipe, and jumped in the air on a trampoline. I woke up in heaven.
I asked an angel, "How did I die?"
"Well, little monkey, you thought your bed was a trampoline and you hit your head. Your mom called the doctor, and the doctor said you were dead."
So, a husband and a wife have three kids. The husband is on his death bed, and he looks up at his wife and says, "Honey, is our youngest son truly and honestly mine?" She says in response, "I swear on everything that is good and holy, our youngest son is yours." He dies peacefully.
Then she says under her breath, "I'm glad he didn't ask about the first two."
A guy gives labor to a baby girl and a boy twins. The doctor said but the lady was like,
"Ugh, why do I need my husband to be in labor and I want a girl, not a boy, just a girl!"
The lady passed out 😵 and then found out she was in a coma. The man who was in labor died. The two babies got a nanny, an evil one. The nanny killed the babies on their first birthday.