Dying jokes
Tired of having to cut your grass? Dye it blue, and it will die itself.
If mom saw you, she would die and be happy because of you being ugly.
Why do orphans die young?
The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
Why did the orphan cry? Because he was an orphan and he watched his parents die.
Saying a Kobe joke after he died tends to ignite a fire in the people you say it to.
My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. But, unfortunately, it just made her more upset.
She screamed at me, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”
When does an emo get jealous at a phone?
When it dies.
Today I passed the exams to be a funeral director!
Too bad it's a dying trade. :)
Why did the joke die?
Because it's a meme!
If reincarnation is correct, if you die now, you can be reborn and live a second life. If you were born in Ukraine, you can immediately live a third life.
Why did Stephen Hawking die? He couldn't log in.
If Bruce Willis (the guy in the Christmas movie Die Hard) dies of a Viagra overdose, would that mean he truly dies hard?
There was a fire at my high school when I was in Year 7.
When the local newspaper interviewed my teacher, they asked her how she was seeing the "bright side" of it.
She said, "Well, at least our new students got a warm welcome!"
54 students died that day.
If you have an overdose on a drug and die, then half of the least dose would be a lifetime supply.
Prince, don't die! Just don't! Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaasse!
The patient said, "When will this be over?"
The doctor said, "After you die."
The patient says, "Was that a morbid joke?"
The doctor says, "Well, um, actually, you'll die because we broke the needles and the cure."
The patient says, "Well, it's a bright day, maybe if you weren't clumsy!"
The pinnacle of loyalty is that an ant married an elephant, and after he died, she spent her entire life burying him :)
Did you hear about the guy who died by lethal injection and writhed on the stretcher for 20 minutes?
I guess it really IS all in the execution.
When I was a kid, I knew a woman named Betty Pears.
She died a horrible death from Alzheimer's.
I thought a pear was a fruit, not a vegetable!
Last week I felt so high and mighty I thought I could fly. I took one shot, puffed through my pipe, and jumped in the air on a trampoline. I woke up in heaven.
I asked an angel, "How did I die?"
"Well, little monkey, you thought your bed was a trampoline and you hit your head. Your mom called the doctor, and the doctor said you were dead."