Dying jokes
I was at a funeral and made a joke. No one laughed, but someone died.
"Hey, I heard you were a bit down—where's John?"
"He died."
"Oh, I'm so sorry, but I got you food."
(After they eat) "Hey, how did John taste seasoned and cooked?"
Why do so many kids die in school shootings? Because you're not allowed to run in the corridors.
The West is dying...just like the romance of an empire, especially the western part of the empire. Funny that, 'cause the East was going strong.
I think about my life, and then I think about death. I prefer death. If you ask me, life is just a time when you die. Basically, death is life, meaningless 0-0.
I was in Afghanistan and I had been captured by the Taliban. I was going to get the death penalty.
Suddenly a man came out of nowhere and offered to take the penalty. It was my idolo Penaldo. He missed the penalty. Now I will die. Shame on u Penaldo!
If reincarnation is correct, if you die now, you can be reborn and live a second life. If you were born in Ukraine, you can immediately live a third life.
My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. But, unfortunately, it just made her more upset.
She screamed at me, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”
When does an emo get jealous at a phone?
When it dies.
Today I passed the exams to be a funeral director!
Too bad it's a dying trade. :)
Why did the joke die?
Because it's a meme!
Why did the orphan cry? Because he was an orphan and he watched his parents die.
Saying a Kobe joke after he died tends to ignite a fire in the people you say it to.
Why did Stephen Hawking die? He couldn't log in.
We thought that my mother died in the best way possible, during her sleep.
But when we did an autopsy on her, we saw she actually died in the worst way possible. During the autopsy.
A little girl said to her mom, "Mom, my butt's cracked, kiss it, kiss it!" Her mom said, "Sweetie, shut up, it's always been there!" Then her daughter died 'cause of her melodramaticness.
You're so ugly that I choked and died.
My dad died in 9/11... He was the best pilot I know.
My son's into astromancy asked me how do stars die, so I told him, "Usually on overdose, son."
My grandpa died in 9/11. He was a great pilot.