Dying jokes

A blind pilot walks into a plane waving his walking stick.

The passengers all look at each other in disbelief. The flight attendant gets on the PA and says,

"Ladies and gentlemen, as you can see, the captain is legally blind, but rest assured, he is one of the best pilots in the world with over six thousand successful flights."

Next the co-pilot makes his way to the plane, and he is also blind and uses his walking stick to make it to the cabin.

The flight attendant gets on the PA and says,

"Ladies and gentlemen, as you can see, the co-pilot is also blind, but rest assured, he is the second-best pilot in the world with over five thousand successful flights."

At this point, the plane begins to take off from the runway. As it gains speed, the passengers grow tenser. The plane keeps accelerating more and more, and as it approaches the end of the runway, it still hasn't left the ground. The plane is approaching the end of the runway at high speed, and the passengers scream, "Oh my God, we're all going to die!"

Suddenly, the plane takes off and begins its ascent.

The pilot turns to the co-pilot and says, "The day they stop screaming, we're screwed."

What’s the difference between the baby I just stabbed and Isaac Newton?

Isaac Newton died a virgin.

My aunt used to say, "Slow and steady wins the race." She died in a fire.

I tried to fight a razor. It cut me so deep I thought I would die.

Turns out he didn't kill me. I was never happy, but that shit made me angry.

Did you hear about the guy who died of a Viagra overdose?

They couldn’t close his casket.

My girlfriend went to Tokyo, and she died in the tsunami.

Since I was sad, my friend told me, "Don't worry, there's plenty more in the ocean."

Why do cemeteries have fences?

Because people are dying to be there.

My grandma always said, "Slow and steady wins the race."

She died in a fire.

Why did the chicken cro-

UM, ACTUALLY, THE CHICKEN CAN'T CROSS THE ROAD UNLESS IT'S UNDER SOME ROOSTER OR HEN SUPERVISION OR ELSE THE CAR WILL CRASH THE CHICKEN, AND THEY WILL DIE. 🤓

How do stars die?

Normally, an overdose.

Jesus tried solving the Rubik's cube,

but died on the cross.

Dying mall be like...

"Toys" were us.

Goodbye, kitty.

Dying Canes.

My grandfather was the type of person who never threw anything away.

He died in World War II holding on to a hand grenade.

Yo mama is so ugly that when Santa came to the house and saw a picture of her, he died.

Sayori: *dies*

Monika: "You kinda left her hanging... 😊"

MC: "😨"

The pinnacle of loyalty is that an ant married an elephant, and after he died, she spent her entire life burying him :)

Stop making jokes about 9/11. My dad died in 9/11.

Best pilot of Southern Arabia

Allahu Akbar.

Stop making jokes about 9/11, my dad died in 9/11.

BEST PILOT OF SOUTHERN ARABIA

ALAKBAR

Yo mama so fat that she would die before reaching the gates of heaven.

What do you get when you die in Undertale and go to Temmie Village?

DeterMIENATION