One weekend some distant family members that I hadn't met before came over. My cousins (who I also hadn't met before) were fighting, so I decided to separate them and place them in opposite corners of the room (thinking it would help).
My mom took me to an empty room with tears in her eyes and told me they both ended up dying.
Well, SO-RRY, but I didn't know they were conjoined twins.
I always feel better when my doctor says something is normal for my age, but then think dying will also be normal for my age at some point.
So, I was getting on a plane, and the pilot does his usual speech talking about altitude and what not with the microphone, and he forgets to turn it off, so after the speech I heard him and the co-pilot talking about what they were doing after work, and whatnot.
Then the pilot said he was dying for a blowjob and a coffee, so a stewardess ran to the pilots cabin, and then left about 15 minutes later, and the pilot shouted "Next time don't forget the coffee!"
I have an EpiPen.
My friend gave it to me when he was dying.
It seemed really important to him that I have it.
Hahahahahahah I'm dying.
If Stephen Hawking is dying, where do I take him, Currys PC World, or a hospital?
Ay. Fonsi. DY. Oh. Oh no, oh no. Oh yeah. Diridiri, dirididi Daddy. Go. Sí, sabes que ya llevo un rato mirándote. Tengo que bailar contigo hoy (DY). Vi que tu mirada ya estaba llamándome. Muéstrame el camino que yo voy (Oh). Tú, tú eres el imán y yo soy el metal. Me voy acercando y voy armando el plan. Solo con pensarlo se acelera el pulso (Oh yeah). Ya, ya me está gustando más de lo normal. Todos mis sentidos van pidiendo más. Esto hay que tomarlo sin ningún apuro.
Despacito. Quiero respirar tu cuello despacito. Deja que te diga cosas al oído. Para que te acuerdes si no estás conmigo.
Despacito. Quiero desnudarte a besos despacito. Firmo en las paredes de tu laberinto. Y hacer de tu cuerpo todo un manuscrito (sube, sube, sube). (Sube, sube). Quiero ver bailar tu pelo. Quiero ser tu ritmo. Que le enseñes a mi boca. Tus lugares favoritos (favoritos, favoritos baby). Déjame sobrepasar tus zonas de peligro. Hasta provocar tus gritos. Y que olvides tu apellido (Diridiri, dirididi Daddy). Si te pido un beso ven dámelo. Yo sé que estás pensándolo. Llevo tiempo intentándolo. Mami, esto es dando y dándolo. Sabes que tu corazón conmigo te hace bom, bom. Sabes que esa beba está buscando de mi bom, bom. Ven prueba de mi boca para ver cómo te sabe. Quiero, quiero, quiero ver cuánto amor a ti te cabe. Yo no tengo prisa, yo me quiero dar el viaje. Empecemos lento, después salvaje.
Pasito a pasito, suave suavecito. Nos vamos pegando poquito a poquito. Cuando tú me besas con esa destreza. Veo que eres malicia con delicadeza.
Pasito a pasito, suave suavecito. Nos vamos pegando, poquito a poquito. Y es que esa belleza es un rompecabezas. Pero pa montarlo aquí tengo la pieza.
Despacito. Quiero respirar tu cuello despacito. Deja que te diga cosas al oído. Para que te acuerdes si no estás conmigo.
Despacito. Quiero desnudarte a besos despacito. Firmo en las paredes de tu laberinto. Y hacer de tu cuerpo todo un manuscrito (sube, sube, sube). (Sube, sube). Quiero ver bailar tu pelo. Quiero ser tu ritmo. Que le enseñes a mi boca. Tus lugares favoritos (favoritos, favoritos baby). Déjame sobrepasar tus zonas de peligro. Hasta provocar tus gritos. Y que olvides tu apellido.
Despacito. Vamos a hacerlo en una playa en Puerto Rico. Hasta que las olas griten "¡ay, bendito!". Para que mi sello se quede contigo.
Pasito a pasito, suave suavecito. Nos vamos pegando, poquito a poquito. Que le enseñes a mi boca. Tus lugares favoritos (favoritos, favoritos baby). Pasito a pasito, suave suavecito. Nos vamos pegando, poquito a poquito. Hasta provocar tus gritos. Y que olvides tu apellido (DY). Despacito.
1: I wish my cancer could kill me quicker so I don't have to do this class anymore.
2: I'm dying, finally.
3: I'm sorry, I can't go to your party because I'm expected to be dead by then.
On a serious note, I might actually have cancer and I'm getting checks. I hope for the best :/
On the lines of "I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous,"
I'm dying to live forever!
Birthdays are weird. We celebrate being one year closer to dying. And we celebrate it with friends and family, which is totally not how we'll die.
We're all gonna die alone, not surrounded by friends and family.
My friend died from an allergic reaction. He gave me an EpiPen while he was dying, so now I have something to remember him from.
Hey mum, why do people keep suddenly dying in our family?
Mum?
Mum?
Muuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuum!
"Where exactly are you taking me, doctor?"
"To the morgue."
"But I'm not dead yet!"
"But we're not there yet."
Did you know that graveyards are the most popular place in the world?
Yeah, people are just DYING to get in there...
Why are graveyards so popular? Because people are always dying to get into them.
I drank some dye before, but don't worry, I've only dyed a little inside.
A doctor walks up to a dying man and sadly says: "I'm sorry, the test shows you only have 10 more to live."
The man says "10!? 10 what!? Years? Weeks? Days? What?!!?"
The doctor calmly replies "Nine".
My grandma always loved to craft clothing. She dyed last week.
I accidentally drank a little food coloring last night. I ended up dying inside.
What were Stephen Hawking's dying words?
"Restore factory settings."
