A guy goes onto a rooftop bar, and is sitting next to a guy who says he's drinking a magical drink. He asks "What's so magical about it?" the guy drives a car and flies it around the rooftop. the other tries, but falls of and dies.
The bartender shakes his head, and says.
"Y'know, you're a real jerk when you're drunk superman.
why did Sally decide to fly to school?
She couldn't drive.
freshman - hey whats better ford or chevy. seinor - i dont fuckin care long as it drives. freshman - so im guessing its chevy
Him: *slowly drives past elementary school while looking at kids*
Her: Why are you starting at those kids? *jokingly* Are you like a pedophile or something?
Him: ... At least you know why I love calling you 'baby' now~
I took an Uber home the other day, and the bastard was swerving all over the road and driving on the shoulder... I said, "Who the f*ck taught you to drive?" To this, he replied, "Stevie Wonder."
My daughter said i could never make a car out of spaghetti, you should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!!!!
What kind of cars do mexicans drive? A Juanda
A pirate walked into a pub with a ship wheel attached to his balls. The bartender says "what the hell is that?". The pirate said "I don't know but it's driving me nuts!".
Once there were these two fruitcakes driving in their Pink Porsche. "Oh this handles so well !" they exclaimed. Then this Mack truck came around the corner at their stop sign and rear ended them. Passenger said to his partner. " You tell that man he's gonna pay every single cent cuz we're going to sue him !" So the flamer gets out and swishes to tell the trucker to do that very thing. The trucker was a tough who said "What do you want wimp? " The gay said ," You just hit our new Pink Porsche and we're gonna make you pay every single cent cuz we're gonna sue you!" The trucker said " Oh yeah ? Blow me ! " Gay driver went " Ohhh!" And ran back. Gay partner asked him " What did he say ?" His fruitcake driver said " Ohhh! Its wonderful, he wants to settle out of court !"
What car do elves drive? Toy-yodas
Spongebob is yellow, and he can't drive.
Must be Asian.
Why can't Helen Keller drive?
Because she's a woman.
What kind of car does Yoda drive? A Toyoda.
why can't helen keller drive cause shes already dead
How does Hellen Keller drive?
With one hand on the wheel and the other on the road.
What do you call a gay drive by?
A fruit roll up.
Two fish are in a tank. One says, "You man the guns, I'll drive!"
I wanted to learn how to drive a stick shift, but I couldn't find a manual.
A cop pulls a guy over for suspected drunk driving. The cop opens the door and the driver falls out onto the asphalt. The cop says, "Holy shit, you're so drunk, you can't even walk!"
The drunk says, "No shit, that's why I took my car!"
A physicist, an engineer and a programmer were in a car driving over a steep alpine pass when the brakes failed. The car was getting faster and faster, they were struggling to get round the corners and once or twice only the feeble crash barrier saved them from crashing down the side of the mountain. They were sure they were all going to die, when suddenly they spotted an escape lane. They pulled into the escape lane, and came safely to a halt.
The physicist said, "We need to model the friction in the brake pads and the resultant temperature rise, see if we can work out why they failed."
The engineer said, "I think I've got a few spanners in the back. I'll take a look and see if I can work out what's wrong."
The programmer said, "Why don't we get going again and see if it's reproducible?"
