Downing jokes

Nun

  • What's black and white, black and white, black and white...?

    A dead nun rolling down a hill.

    Toddler

  • A toddler was giving her daddy a tea party.

    She brought him a little cup of "tea" which was just water, of course. After several cups of tea, her Mom came home. Dad made her wait in the living room to watch his little Princess bring him a cup of tea, because it was, "Just the cutest thing!" Mom waited, and sure enough, here she come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy. She watches him drink it up and then says, "You know the only place she can reach water, is the toilet!"

    Titanic

  • *Titanic was sinking.*

    Passenger: Hey, captain, how far away are we?

    Captain: Two miles.

    Passenger: Which way are we going?

    Captain: Down.

    Grandma

  • My Grandma, like any other, got an APPLE IPHONE 12, but as we all know, we get dumb, and so we buy a phone. My grandma did not even know how to use it. She even said, "How do I go on Google?" I told her, "YOU CAN'T!" My grandma was, like, "Yeah right, how do I do it?"

    Comment down below, does your grandma do this?

    Girl

  • A little girl walks into the bathroom and sees her mom naked taking a shower and asks, "Mommy, mommy, when am I gonna get breasts?" Mom says, "Oh, when you're 12 or 13." The little girl looks down and see’s her pubes and asks, "Mommy, mommy, when am I gonna get hair down there?" Mom says, "Oh, about the same time you get breasts."

    Then the little girl walks in and sees her dad sitting on the bed with a hard on and asks, "Daddy, daddy, when am I gonna get one of those?" Dad says, "Soon as your mom leaves for work."

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  • Guy

  • Two guys were walking down the street, and one of the guys told his friend he could talk any blond in the world into giving him a blowjob, any blond!

    So the guy bet him 20 bucks and pointed to this cute blond sitting on the side of the road and said, "Alright, let's see it!"

    The other guy walks up to the cutie and says, "Hi, my name's Dave, and my doctor just told me that if I didn't get a blowjob from a blond within three hours, the disease I have will kill me in, oh, let's see now, 22 minutes!"

    She looked up at him with tears in her eyes and said, "You mean I could save you from dying right now?" Then she says, "Pull it out!"

    Ten minutes later, the two men were laughing and patting old Dave on the back when his friend noticed the blond sitting in the alley bawling her eyes out!

    So he walks over to her and says, "I would have thought you would be so happy for saving my friend's life?!"

    So she looks up at him just crying her eyes out even worse and says, "I could have saved my dad!"

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  • Shit

  • A guy is walking down the street when he almost steps in something. He looks down and says, "Looks like shit."

    He crouches down and smells it, "Smells like shit."

    He sticks his finger in, tastes it, "Tastes like shit."

    He then smiles and says, "Well, good thing I didn't step on it!"

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  • Hospital

  • TRUE STORY!

    X-Ray Tech: I broke my arm and went to the hospital. The X-Ray Tech was the hottest blonde I've ever seen.

    I threw her ass down on the X-Ray table, ripped her clothes off, ripped off mine and I jumped on top of her!

    Then I put the X-ray machine on top of us, turned it on and I looked up on the X-ray monitor and I watched and saw my sperm swimming up inside her!

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  • Homeless Man

  • I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.

    I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"

    "No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.

    "Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" I asked.

    "No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."

    "Will you spend this on hunting equipment?" I asked.

    "Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't gone hunting in 20 years!"

    "Well," I said, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."

    The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?"

    I replied, "Don't worry about that. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking, fishing and hunting."

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  • Book

  • I’m reading a book on antigravity right now.

    It’s impossible to put down.

    Suicide

  • A hot girl wants to commit suicide and jump from a bridge when an ugly, smelly, homeless weirdo walks up to her. And he says, "Hey you hot babe, let's fuck." She just answers, "Get the fuck away you ugly bastard." The guy just laughs and says, "Alright, I'll wait down there."

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  • Astronaut

  • Astronaut In The Ocean-By- Masked Wolf and watersharky Music Productions-

    Astro-naut

    What you know about rollin' down in the deep?

    When your brain goes numb, you can call that mental freeze

    When these people talk too much, put that shit in slow motion, yeah

    I feel like an astronaut in the ocean, ayy

    What you know about rollin' down in the deep?

    When your brain goes numb, you can call that mental freeze

    When these people talk too much, put that shit in slow motion, yeah

    I feel like an astronaut in the ocean

    She say that I'm cool (damn straight)

    I'm like "yeah, that's true" (that's true)

    I believe in G-O-D (ayy)

    Don't believe in T-H-O-T

    She keep playing me dumb (play me)

    I'ma play her for fun (uh-huh)

    Y'all don't really know my mental

    Lemme give you the picture like stencil

    Falling out, in a drought

    No flow, rain wasn't pouring down (pouring down)

    See, that pain was all around

    See, my mode was kinda lounged

    Didn't know which-which way to turn

    Flow was cool but I still felt burnt

    Energy up, you can feel my surge

    I'ma kill everything like this purge (ayy)

    Let's just get this straight for a second, I'ma work

    Even if I don't get paid for progression, I'ma get it (get it)

    Everything that I do is electric

    I'ma keep it in a motion, keep it moving like kinetic, ayy (yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)

    Put this shit in a frame, better know I don't blame

    Everything that I say, man I seen you deflate

    Let me elevate, this ain't a prank

    Have you walkin' on a plank, la-la-la-la-la, like

    Both hands together, God, let me pray (now let me pray)

    Uh, I've been going right, right around, call that relay (Masked Wolf)

    Pass the baton, back and I'm on

    Swimming in the pool, Kendrick Lamar, uh

    Want a piece of this, a piece of mine, my peace a sign

    Can you please read between the lines?

    My rhyme's inclined to break your spine

    They say that I'm so fine

    You could never match my grind

    Please do not, not waste my time

    What you know about rollin' down in the deep?

    When your brain goes numb, you can call that mental freeze

    When these people talk too much, put that shit in slow motion, yeah

    I feel like an astronaut in the ocean, ayy

    What you know about rollin' down in the deep?

    When your brain goes numb, you can call that mental freeze

    When these people talk too much, put that shit in slow motion, yeah

    I feel like an astronaut in the ocean.

    Celebrity

  • A famous celebrity admitted that she was non-straight, suffered from a rare condition that changed the colour of her skin, did not age well, only wanted to be compensated for her work in the 5th month of each year at her favourite store while laying down:

    TO GET FAYE'S WAY, PAY GRAY, GRAY, GAY FAYE WRAY IN MAY AND LAY HER DOWN AT "THE BAY". OK!!!

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