Downing jokes
They told me throwing babies was bad, but guess what I did yesterday? I threw my baby cousin down the escalator.
Me: DOCTOR! DOCTOR! I HAVE 50 SECONDS TO LIVE!
Doctor: Sit down for a minute.
What happens to Mary Poppins when the wind dies down?
*Mary Poppins seen falling in background*
If you're ever down one day, just go to the orphanage and bully an orphan because what is he going to do about it? He has no parents.
What's black and white and read all over?
A newspaper.
What's black, white, black, white, red, white, black, red, black, then red all over?
A penguin falling down the stairs.
Q: How do you turn a cat into a fish?
A: Tell the woman not to wash down there.
Why is the world split in half? Because fat people are weighing the Earth down.
I was reading a book about gravity. It was so hard to put down!
Yo mama is so short, Minions look down at her.
Yo mama is so fat that she volunteered for the Hunger Games 'cause she thought it was an eating competition.
Yo mama is so ugly when Santa Claus saw her, he yelled "Ho Ho Holy Sh*t!"
Yo mama is so old, when she walked into an antique store, they didn't let her leave.
Yo mama is so stupid, she sold her car for gas money.
What's the difference between a road bump and children crossing the road?
A road bump will make you slow down when you drive over it.
Jack and Jill went up the hill, each with a buck and a quarter. Jill came down with $2.50, that fuckin' whore.
When Michael Jackson died, people melted him down into Lego pieces so that little kids could play with him instead.
I saw a dwarf scaling down a prison wall. I thought to myself, "That's a little condescending."
How do you tell if a loaf of bread has Down Syndrome?
It has an extra crumb-osome.
Bro sat down too close for comfort. I told him to move or he would get hurt.
Come on, how hard could it possibly be To move a few inches? You’re touching my D.
A guy really needs his personal space. Disobey and I’ll shove it in your face.
Why do Inbred White Trash Racists talk so much shit?
Answer: Because deep down inside, they KNOW that they are nothing but PATHETIC LOSERS!
I invented a time-traveling machine and traveled back to Pangea. I warned the dinosaurs about the deadly asteroid. They told me, "It wasn't an asteroid... it was Pionel Pessi's penalty ball ricocheted from Mars that made them extinct." Tears ran down my face. Shame on you, Pessi!
This one time I said to a person that they are dry, then I was wet (ba dum tiss).
My bully said I have to shut up. I said, "Shut down" (ba dum tiss).
Your mum so fat that when she sat down she said, "Why are there so many people under me?"
The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die: to be shot, to be hung, or to be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death.
So the German said, "Shoot me right in the head." Boom, he was dead instantly.
Then the Italian said, "Just hang me." Snap, he was dead.
Then the Irishman said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff." They gave him the shot, and the Irishman fell down laughing. The guards looked at each other and wondered what was wrong with this guy.
Then the Irishman said, "Give me another one of those shots," so the guards did. Now he was laughing so hard, tears rolled from his eyes and he doubled over.
Finally, the warden said, "What is wrong with you?"
The Irishman replied, "You guys are so stupid... I'm wearing a condom!"