You know what really gets me under my skin when I'm down? Sharpener blades.
What do the twin towers and my ex-girlfriend have in common? They both went down on my dad.
How to fall down stairs.
Step 1. Step 2. Step 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.
I was walking down the street one day and I passed the gun store. I walked in and everything was half off. I didn't know back to school sales had started already.
My family loves to have dance parties. My dad will just play music from his iPod, and I'll go to the light switch and make a nice strobe light effect. Everyone loves it, especially my younger cousin. He gets down on the floor and starts breakdancing! It makes him so happy, and he needs that extra joy in his life, especially since the doctor recently diagnosed him with epilepsy.
The other day at school we had to write down our hero and what we would do if they walked into our house. I got off easy because my hero is Stephen Hawking.
Leave a like down below if you think Stephen Hawking should stand for the National Anthem.
I go in to get a prostate exam. I'm nervous, but the doctor says it's all natural and needs to be done.
So he pulls down my pants and sticks one finger up my ass. I feel it go deeper inside, feeling for abnormalities.
That's when I realize his hands are on my shoulders.
Whatβs black, white, and red? A nun that fell down a 100 flight of stairs.
Whatβs black, white, and laughing? The nun that pushed her!
Why do the Japanese hate Christmas?
Because the last time a Fat Man came down the chimney, they lost half their population.
Stephen Hawking's death was purely accidental. He clicked βshut-downβ instead of βsleepβ.
A little boy and a little girl are taking a bath together. The little girl looks down at the boy and says, "Can I touch it?" The little boy looks back at her and says, "Hell no, you already broke yours off!"
Why do Japanese people hate Christmas?
Because the last time a "FatMan" went down their chimney they lost half of their population.
Titanic was sinking.
Passenger: "How far are we from land?"
Captain: "Two miles."
Passenger: "Which direction?"
Captain: "Down."
Bully: "I bet your dick is so small when you look down in the shower you can't even see it."
Guy: "No, I see your sister's head."
Chuck Norris once heard nothing can kill him. So he tracked down nothing and killed it.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to get some marijuana. Jack got high and slapped her thigh and said "you know you wanna". Jill said yes, pulled down her dress, and then they had some fun. Silly Jill forgot the pill and now they have a son.
If I wanted to kill myself, I would just climb up your ego and jump down to your IQ.
How do you get four prostitutes on one chair?
You turn it upside down.
What do a crippled person's legs and the Twin Towers have in common? They both went down and never came back up.
