Mom, how were hoomans made? Son, it’s because Adam and Eve were brought down by god and made babies!
Dad, how were hoomans made. Son, us humans evolved from monkeys!
Mom, dad said hoomans were evolved from monkeys, is that true? Oh son, (ruffles smol man’s hair) your dad was telling you his side of the family, and I was telling my side :)
An old man gets the call from the IRS The man on the phone says, “we’ve noticed large sums of money coming in and going out of your account constantly and we gotta get this straight. Come in tomorrow and we’ll have a chat about this.” The old man thinks for a while and then decides he better get his lawyer to come with him.
The next day the old man and his lawyer show up to the IRS office and the man there says,”So we’ve noticed these large sums of money entering and leaving your account nonstop. Can you explain this?” The man replies,”Well, I will bet on pretty much anything. Like this! I bet you 10,000 I can bite my own eye.” The agent takes the bet, and the man takes out his glass eye and bites it. He then says,”Wait. I’ll give you a chance to earn your money back, and more! I bet you 20,000 I can bite my other eye.” The agent thinks a minute and realizing the man isn’t blind, takes the bet. The old man takes out his false teeth and bites his other eye. He then says,”alright last chance. I bet you 50,000 i can stand on this side of your office and pee into that wastebasket on the opposite side without getting a drop anywhere in between.” The agent thinks real hard but decides it’s impossible so takes the bet. The man unzips his pants and pees all over the IRS agents desk. The agent jumps up and down and says, “haha! I got you now!” But the mans lawyer goes pale in the face, sinks his head in his hands and says,”He bet me 100,000 on the way over here that he could piss all over your desk and you’d just love it!”
My phone was at 10% and my friend said it better not shut down like Stephen hawkin
How do you turn a cat into a fish
Tell your girl not to wash down there
Your hairline be going up and down like a formula 1 car
Yo Mamas so fat, that everytime she goes on a elevator it goes down
jack and jill went up the hill jack fell down his *ss was bound, and jill continued up the hill jack came back and beat jill's back, and he got the ultimate kill.
Q: How do you turn a cat into a fish?
A: Tell the woman not to wash down there
I intern at an orphanage that burned down this weekend with 30 kids inside. Thankfully I don’t have to call and tell their parents.
The best way to tell someone that you don't like them is by texting them 370HSSV 0773H and tell them to read it upside down.
What happens to Emo kids when they go up
They never come down
2 magicians were in a competition the first one did magic and the second started counting down 3 2 but before he said the last number he 1
My sister told me she like Medusa. I said h. My sister said my blow jobs are so good she looks up at the guy facial expression and when the look down they do nothing, but stay still.
will smiths slap was like 9/11. it came in unexpectedly and will go down in history
A man walks into an enchanted forest and tries to cut down a talking tree. “You can’t cut me down,” the tree exclaims, “I’m a talking tree!” The man responds, “You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue.”
whats the diffrents between a ofrfin anda dew 1 gose up and 1 gose down
Kobes favorite song was “it’s going down for real”
Two blondes fell down a hole. One said, "It's dark in here isn't it?" The other replied, "I don't know; I can't see."
What do you call a guy in a wheelchair that does comedy? Sit down comedy
Shorts go up,Pants go down Body to Body, Skin to Skin When its sniff, Stick it in It goes in dry and comes out wet And the longer its in the stronger it gets it comes out dripping and starts to sag
Its not what you think it is its a LIPTON TEA BAG
Get your mind together
