what goes up must come down apart from mr vyse
The Tent Pole Is Up, The Canvas Is Spread, The Hell With Breakfast, Come Back To Bed.
Take The Tent Pole Down, Put The Canvas Away, The Monkey Had A Hemorrhage, No Circus Today
What's Harry Potter's favorite way of going down a hill? Walking. JK, Rolling.
The pirate looked down the toilet and what did he see The captains log
Woman delivers baby. Doctor takes the baby, and throws it, smashing around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. Mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging “WHYYYY!!??”. Doctor holds baby upside down by the ankle and says “I’m just fucking with you, it was born dead”.
People are like taquila glasses
you gotta shoot them down fast
Life has ups and downs and they had downs
A guy dies and finds himself in Hell. Despondent, he sits on the ground and weeps uncontrollably. Demon: "Why so sad, my friend?"
Guy: "What do you think? I'm in hell!"
Demon: "Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinkin' man?"
Guy: "Sure, I love to drink."
Demon: "Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, that's all we do, is drink. Whiskey, tequila, vodka, beer... We drink till we throw up and then drink some more."
Guy: "Gee, that sounds great!"
Demon: "You a smoker?"
Guy: "You better believe it."
Demon: "Alright! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from around the world and smoke our fucking lungs out. If you get cancer, it's ok, you're already dead!"
Guy: "Golly"
Demon: "I bet you like to gamble."
Guy: "Yes, as a matter of fact, I do."
Demon: "Good, because Wednesday is gambling day. Craps, blackjack, horse races, you name it."
Guy: "Wow."
Demon: "You like to do drugs?"
Guy: "Well, I love to do drugs. You don't mean..."
Demon: "That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack. Smoke a joint the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, and if you overdose, it's ok... You're already dead!"
Guy: "Neat! I never realized hell was such a swingin' place!"
Demon: "You gay?"
Guy: "Uh, no."
Demon: "Ohhh... You're gonna hate Fridays...."
Roses are red, chocolate is brown, I expect nothing and still get let down!
If your nose runs and your feet smell, you are probably built upside down.
And there the referee taking down Ronaldo's number. Not really the time or the place but it's good to see that we've kept homophobia out of football.
How can you get 3 homos to it on one barstool?
Turn it upside down
Paddy and Murphy are walking down street, when all of a sudden Paddy falls down a manhole, Murphy shouts down "Paddy is it dark down there". Paddy shouts up "dunno Murphy I crnt see a fecking thing"
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
Little mickel was on a tree he feel down and hurt his knee he sat down and started to cry and from there he would never lie
A Grasshopper walked into a bar and sat down at the counter.....The Bartender looked at him and said, "We have a drink named after you". The Grasshopper replied, "Who names a drink Steve?"
If you take your dog for a walk and you BOTH use the fire hydrant down at the corner...you might be a Redneck!
What do you call plane crash victims?
Down to earth people
These jokes have a good build up, but in the end they all come crashing down
When your boy tries to have a bad day while you're on your period:
Oh you have a cold? How rude of me. I just laid an egg and now my body is ripping down the walls of my uterus. But can I get you a tissue?
