Dont jokes
I don't like stairs. They're always up to something.
This is why they don't want to sell the Double Manhattan in pubs anymore.
Dad: I'll pay you 10 bucks for every day you don't tell a lie.
Next day:
Dad: Son, what's the ugliest thing you've ever seen?
Son: That ugly face of yours, go get a life, gosh, Dad, you're embarrassing.
The dad sulked for 3 whole years.
Proof that words really can hurt.
If you're sleeping, and you fall in your dream, you may have died, and the angels dropped you.
Or you don't wake up, and you were on your way to hell.
Farmer's Wife: Honey, where are the cows?
Farmer: Up in the mountains grazing.
Farmer's Wife: Why?
Farmer: I don't know, but the steaks have never been higher.
What's the difference between an American and a computer?
Americans don't have trouble shooting!
A man walked into a bar with an AK-47 with a 50-round mag and yelled out, "Who the fuck fucked my wife?" Everyone was quiet.
One man at the back stood up and called, "Sorry mate, but I don't think you have enough bullets."
Why don't nurses like giving old people baths or showers?
Because they don't want their vegetables to get soggy.
Why did Draven eat curry?
I don't know, ask him.
Dravenッ
"hvhuhdsjcjdsijdskdsivhdsvhsjdvnsjdvdshvgdshgsdhfgh" That's what my friend said when he gave an EpiPen. I don't know why, though.
Why don't we have female magicians?
'Cause the last ones got hanged.
Your mom was so fat that she couldn't have a man and couldn't go through the door.
I'M JOKING, DON'T GET MAD!
Son asks dad, "How much does marriage cost?"
Dad: "I don’t know, son. I’m still paying for it."
What did Mickey Mouse say to Minnie Mouse: "I don't use condoms; I use my drawbridge."
What's the one school event that orphans don't go to?
Parents' evening.
It's a joke, not a dick. Don't take it so hard.
I really used to be into emo chicks. Now they just don't make the cut.
Why can't orphans watch PG?
They don't have any parental guidance.
U can vent here idc.
Q: What did one dead hooker say to the other dead hooker?
A: Nothing, dead hookers don't talk.