Dont jokes
Pete: Knock, knock...
Paul: Who's there?
Pete: Boo...
Paul: Boo who?
Pete: Don't cry, it was only a joke!
Paul: I'm going to cry! It was such a bad joke!!!
I'll call you later. Don't call me later, call me Dad.
No, I don't want to.
Mufasa is proof that cats don't always land on their feet.
What is the difference between an egg and you? An egg gets laid, and you don't.
Peasants
Vital information: if you find a stray dog in an alleyway, don't stare at its eyes.
Why don't people sit next to the cheetah during a test?
Because he's a cheetah!
What's your favorite type of flour?
Don't know.
Mines self-raising.
Why can't orphans cross roads?
They don't have a parent to hold hands with.
"Ugly kid, I feel ugly."
"Me? You don't have feel ugly, you already ugly."
Women be like I don't wear makeup for men.
Then get mad when a man doesn't compliment her in her makeup!
Why can't orphans have a home button on their phone?
Because they don't have homes.
I don't see why women are complaining about the glass ceiling. I mean, if they reach high enough, they can clean it...
Roses are red, violets are blue, don't let your kids next to Prince Andrew.
Dad: I'll pay you 10 bucks for every day you don't tell a lie.
Next day:
Dad: Son, what's the ugliest thing you've ever seen?
Son: That ugly face of yours, go get a life, gosh, Dad, you're embarrassing.
The dad sulked for 3 whole years.
Proof that words really can hurt.
Why do orphans die when a tornado comes?
They don't have parents to protect them.
Don't ever try to give an emo kid a high five. They'll just leave you hanging.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they don't know where home plate is.
How come Mr. Squirrel watches porn sometimes?
Sometimes he feels like a nut, sometimes he don't.
Aha, tomato macaroni is bad, hahaha.
(I don't even know what on earth I put here, but okay.)