Dont jokes
What do you get when you cross an octopus with a Mexican?
I don't know, but man can it pick lettuce.
Two guys were on a hunting trip, and after the first day of hunting, they didn’t see anything, so they decided the next day they would split up and meet back at the fire at dinner time.
After a day of hunting, they meet back at the fire, and one hunter asked the other, “How did your day go?”
The one hunter said, “I had the best day ever! I went down the hill and hunted by the train tracks and saw the hottest chick ever. We had sex for hours in every position you could think of.”
Then the other hunter asked him, “Was she a good lookin’ blond?” And he said, “Oh, I don’t know, I didn’t find her head.”
My father told me to always carry a women's bag, but I don't know why he called the cops on me when I helped Mom's bag when we went parachuting. :(
Why don't rappers ever get LOST?
Because they always find their way with their GPS (Great Poetic Skills).
Why don't rappers ever become bankers?
Because they always break the BARS!
Why don't rappers struggle with geometry?
Because they have all the angles covered.
What did one slave owner say to the other slave owner when he couldn’t find his slave?
Don’t worry, I’ll rope him in.
Q. What did the United Healthcare CEO say after he got shot? A. I don't know. I don't own a Ouija board.
Who will hit the ground first, the girl or the apple?
I don't know, it depends if the girl is emo or not. If she is emo, the rope will catch her.
My therapist told me to write letters to the people you hate and then burn them.
I did that, but now I don't know what to do with the letters.
How do you disappoint people in Africa?
Send a message saying that you’re going to send trucks full of food, water, and clothing.
But don’t follow through and send the trucks empty.
God, when terminally ill children beg him to heal them:
God: No, I don’t want to.
"How does dry skin affect you at work?""You don’t have any elbow grease to put into it."
What's the difference between yo mama and German men?
The balls... German men don't have them.
Don't give emos crack, they're high enough.
What's the difference between child abuse and abandonment?
The abused ones are forced to listen while being abused, while abandoned kids cry because they don't have parents anymore.
You know my first name, but don’t worry about it; you’ll only be screaming my first.
I don't know what makes BlessedBrian so STUPID, but it REALLY works!
Bastards can never pray, because they don't have a Holy Father.
Why don't molestation victims speak up about their trauma? Because it's a touchy topic.