Dont jokes
One day Little Johnny's class is having an English lesson. The teacher asks them, "Who can use the word intelligent in a sentence?" Little Mary says, "The teacher is very intelligent." The teacher asks them, "Who can use the word fashionable in a sentence?" Little Suzie says, "They are very fashionable." The teacher says, "Johnny, why don't you have a go? Use the word dictate in a sentence." Johnny thinks for a moment and then says, "Last night I heard Daddy asking Mommy 'Darling how does my dictate'"
Hi, what's your name?
I don't know, I'm disabled.
Freshman: Hey, what's better, Ford or Chevy?
Senior: I don't f**kin' care as long as it drives.
Freshman: So, I'm guessing it's Chevy?
What does the donkey say to the other donkey?:
Nothing, donkeys don't talk.
Once there was a boat. Its friends said,
"It's time to come back." And the boat said,
"No way. I don't give into pier pressure."
Why did Joey drop his ice cream?
He was hit by a truck. (Don't worry, the truck was fine.)
What makes a joke a dad joke?
I don't know. I don't even have one as an example.
Why don’t they let Stephen Hawking have other electronics around him? Because he will sound staticky.
So you know how sheets are always so tight at hotels?
Well I looked under the bed and there is a freaking room cleaner holding the sheets. All he says is "Don't ask or you shall die!"
You wanna hear a joke about my penis?
Don’t worry, it’s too long.
Don't let an extra chromosome get you down!
I don’t have enough money to buy cheese, could you provolone me some money?
Me: Mom, I think I need to go to the hospital.
Mom: OMG, why son?
Me: I don't know what's wrong, but every time I close my eyes, I can see.
Think about it, then spread LMAO.
There was a guy who got his entire left side cut off. Don’t worry, he is all right now.
What's the difference between an apple and a dead baby?
I don't jizz on an apple before eating it.
What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and a baby?
Both of their legs don't work.
Why do priests appreciate educated children?
They don't spit.
I once had a trash can as a girlfriend.
I was ready to break up with her, but all she had to say was, "Please don't dump me!" Then I said, "Sorry, I'm ready to take out the trash."
They don’t have to invest a lot into the Stephen Hawking wax statue, though.
How many people does it take to screw in a light bulb? It takes two, but don't ask me how they get inside.