Dont jokes
Don't be racist! BE LIKE MARIO!
He's an Italian plumber, created by the Japanese, who speaks English, and looks like a Mexican, jumps like a black man, and grabs coins like a Jew.
When I see lovers' names carved on a tree, I don't think it's sweet. I just think it's surprising how many people bring a knife on a date.
Don't let mistakes drag you down. My dad made one mistake, but it ended up fulfilling the 5-year plan of heat energy generation in less than a millisecond.
I’m sorry, Chairy, but I don’t need four more legs.
Why are there only 363 days in an orphan's calendar?
They don’t have fathers or Mother’s Day.
Most people don't realize this, but the F in orphan stands for family.
Why can't orphans be gay?
Because they don't have anyone to call "daddy."
Why do gays get bad grades?
They don't get straight A's.
Why can't orphans be gay? They don't know their daddy.
One day it was me and my sister in the house. My sister said to me, "Let's order food." I said, "We have no money." My sister said, "It's cool; we're just going to order egg rolls from the Chinese store. I know the delivery boy, and he won't charge us." I said, "Cool."
The delivery boy came with the egg rolls. I took some and ate mine in my room. I went back in the kitchen. I see my sister giving the delivery boy a blow job. I ask, "What are you doing?" My sister replied back to me, "You had your egg rolls; let me enjoy mine." Then the delivery boy said, "Don't no charge."
Yesterday I saw an orphan walking down the street. I asked him if he was ok. He said no, so I asked him if he needed help. And he said yes, so I let him in my car and said, "Don't worry, you'll be home with your parents soon." He said my parents died. I said I know.
God died for your sins, so basically if you don't sin then Jesus died for nothing.
I have the brains of an old man and the heart of a child. If you don't believe me, I can pop my trunk.
When the guy came in with a gun to rob the store, I said: "Hey, can I borrow that?"
He says "yes." Me, over here, walking to the cashier and saying: "Goodbye!" He screams: "Have mercy!"
I say: "No, not to you, to me. Say goodbye." He says: "No, don't shoot yourself!" It was too late.
When Little Johnny was about 3, he got curious and stuck his hand up a mannequin's pants. His mom says, "No, Little Johnny, there are teeth up there that will bite off your hand." Little Johnny thinks, "Oh no, I can't do that again."
A few years later, he was 15 and he had a girlfriend, and they were making out. She says, "Why don't you ever stick your hand up my pants?" He says, "Oh no, my mom says there are teeth that will bite off my hand up there." She says, "No, there isn't, just look!" Little Johnny looks and says, "Well, no wonder there ain't no teeth. By the way, them gums look..."
Dark humor is like pussy: whining bitches don't get it.
Opinions are like orgasms. The only one that matters is mine and I don't care if you have one.
Have a child you don't want? Just drop them off at a school they don't know and drive away.
Why don't Chinese people play cricket?
Because they ate all the bats!
I don't need to go to the car dealership when I have a Geico scanner on my arm at all times. 😏