Dont jokes
A kid was asking a mother for money.
Mother: Sorry, I don't have money.
The kid kept asking the mother for money.
Mother: I already told you I don't have money.
The kid (the middle child): I'm your fucking child!
I didn't mean to call an Afghanistan hotline. I told them I was depressed, then they asked if I know how to drive a truck. I don't know how that has anything to do with it!
If things don't get better, the Christmas lights won't be the only thing hanging.
What's the difference between a dad and an Emo?
They both don't last a while.
Bully: My d*ck is longer than your password. Me: I don't have a password. So you *won't* have a d*ck after I tear it off you.
Stop being disrespectful to all those people and their parents. Oh, I forgot, they don't have any parents.
Why could not the 11 year old watch the pirate movie?
because it was rated RRRRGGGG.
I am guessing you don't understand :(
Why can't orphans ever get a car? Because they don't have a birth certificate.
Why don't cheetahs say goodbye?
Because they are not going to work.
Why do gay people get bad grades?
Because they don't get straight A's.
One day there was a frantic call at the fire department:
"Help me, help me! There is a cat meowing nearby. It is going to hurt me, it's going to kill me, can you help me, and send the fire squad right away?"
"Take it easy, cats don’t hurt us, just relax and wait until he leaves."
"You don’t understand it is going to bite me, it is going to kill me, it is going to be fatal!"
"Cats aren’t venomous or in any other way dangerous, now who is calling?"
"I’m Indy's parrot you twit! Now help me! Please help, please help!"
Son: Dad, what's a morbid joke?
Father: Walk over to a homeless man and throw a rock at him, then you will know.
Son: But Dad, I don't have arms or legs.
Father: Now you know.
How come Mr. Squirrel watches porn sometimes?
Sometimes he feels like a nut, sometimes he don't.
You get hit by a wave, but you don't get wet. Why?
You were hit by a shockwave!
Dad: Are you gay?
Kid: Yes.
10 days later.
Kid: I’m going to my girlfriend's house.
Dad: I thought you were gay?
Kid: What’s wrong with you? He’s the girly girl of our relationship, dumba**.
Dad: Don’t swear and okay, bud.
A homeless kid walked up to another kid and said, "I have what you don't." He said, "(Parents)."
And the kid said, "Your right, I do have parents," and walked away.
What's the difference between an American and a computer?
Americans don't have trouble shooting!
Me to an orphan: If you had a penny for everyone who loved you, I don't think you'd have any.
The orphan: But why?
Me: Because if someone loved you, they wouldn't have thrown you out.
Do you know what dogs and orphans don't have in common?
Dogs get loved.
School teacher: "Hey kid, why don't you just go home to your family?"
Orphan: "My family never came back for me."
School teacher: "Your daddy must've really needed that milk."