Dont jokes
I call my friends Dodo birds. Because they don't exist.
Why did Stephen Hawking not believe in God?
Computers don’t really have a specific religion.
Your mama's so fat, I don’t know if it is a hippo or not.
Don't you just hate it when your grandmas always complaining about things getting stuck between her false teeth, like my foreskin?
My wife's always nagging me. "You don't let me have any friends, I abuse her, and I'm always coming back late." So I thought I would treat her. I popped up in the attic and introduced her to two women.
Don't you find it ironic that Kobe Bryant bounced his helicopter off the ground like a basketball?
I was lying on the bed the other night and my missus was playing with my cock, trying to get it to go hard. She asked me what's the matter? I said, "I just don't find women without hair very attractive."
Q: Why don’t orphans have a personality?
A: They don’t have a person in reality!
If I don't get a bf by the end of this month, Christmas lights won't be the only thing hanging from the roof.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they don't know where home is.
Say this to someone who is fat that you don't like (make sure he's a virgin):
"You're so fat you can sell shaaade!! That's why you're a virgin and you masturbaaate!!! Yeah, I've see you, touching your 1 centimetre and if you have a gf she's is a cheater!!"
Make sure to say "shaaade" not "shade". And say "maturbaaate" (also try to say a D not a T in maturbaaate) not "masturbate".
Why are orphans lonely?
Because they don't have parents to talk to.
Bully: I bet your dick is so small when you look down you can't see it.
Guy: I don't, I see your mom.
"You have to do this," and my sister said, "Well, I don't care."
And I said, "Well, you care enough to respond back, oh my gosh!"
Somebody shouts "Fire!"
Man 1: Get the children out!
Man 2: F*** the children!
Man 3: We don't have time!
Therapist: What do you want to do when you grow up?
Me: Oh, I wan-
Therapist: Don’t say to be dead.
Me: Well, I want to be an entrepreneur. I want to sell land, pencils, oh yeah. I also want to sell farm.
Yo mama so fat, that’s why people don’t want to marry her, except for fat guys.
"Don’t look! I saw you peeking through the window."
Don’t panic! Stay c-almond collected.
I am always high, welcome to bipolar disorder. LMAO. (Don't bother to like or comment, I just had to say this.)