DOE jokes
Does an orphanage have daddy issues?
Yes, because he didn't come back from getting the milk.
I come in from work to see my wife dead on the sofa. As I unzip for one last ride, she says, "BOO!" What kind of a dick fuck does that!
Me: How does this thing work?
ForTnite kid: Oh, you don’t know how to use a pistol? Look, I’ll show you.
ForTnitekid: *shoots foot*
Me: That wasn’t a very good demonstration.
Why does the basketball never get a date?
Because they dribble.
Man A: "Is Google male or female?"
Man B: "Female, because it does not let you finish the sentence before making a suggestion."
Memes
Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack?
Because he only comes once a year.
If you get a divorce with your husband, does that still mean you’re siblings?
What does the bee say to the fly?
"Buzz off!"
Where does a pianist go on vacation?
The Florida Keys.
How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?
It only takes one, but it takes a long time, and the light bulb has to want to change.
What does an orphan wish they could do?
Wish happy Mother's Day and Father's Day.
What does LMAO stand for?
Launching Moms At Orphans.
What do bungee jumping and a gay man have in common?
If the rubber breaks, they're in beep shit.
What pronouns does Michael Jackson use? Hee/hee.
Why does Michael Jackson avoid Pepsi? They gave him a hot one.
What does the blind man say when he walks past the fish market?
"Hello, ladies!"
What do a 9V battery and a butthole have in common?
We know we’re not supposed to put our tongue on them, but we do it anyway.
What does a sex offender and Santa have in common?
They will come down your "chimney" tonight.
Why does America suck at chess?
They lost two towers.
What does a Mexican not like in their drink? Ice.