How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, because they beat the room for being dark, then arrest the room for being broke.
DOE Jokes
What do a "transgender" woman's favorite song and his/her last online order have in common?
~they're both a dick in a box.
How does Jesus whistle?
By blowing through the holes in his hands.
What does a serial killer make for breakfast?
Scrambled legs and toes.
What do the initials BIBLE stand for?
"Bullshit In Book Lacking Evidence."
What does the cannibal eat who comes late for dinner?
The cold shoulder.
Why does Stephen Hawking do one liners?
Because he can't do standup.
What do fire and people have in common?
They will both eventually die out.
How many time does it take to cook a baby in a microwave?
I don’t know, I can’t count while masturbating.
What does a girl want more than anything in the world?
Nothing. She's fine.
What game does an emo hate the most?
Life!
What does my dad have in common with Nemo?
They both can’t be found.
Q: How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Don't be stupid, feminists can't change anything.
What does one boob say to the other boob?
If we don’t get support, people will think we’re nuts.
Q: Why does Helen Keller masturbate with only one hand?
A: She moans with the other.
How does an artist fill in a CV?
He draws on experience.
Why does the Sun go to school?
To get brighter!
What does a kid with cancer and dark humor have in common? They never get old.
This joke does not work in print, you have to speak it to someone.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Helen Keller.
Helen Keller who?
(Don't say anything).
Helen Keller who?
...you will get a laugh...ty.
So, there are these 3 strings, they walk into a bar. People are giving them looks. The small chap is your typical thin cord. He walks to the barman and asks for a rum and coke. He replies, "Oii, your kind ain't welcomed here, so take your drink, mates, and fuck off."
He goes back to his mates and says, "We'd better get outta here." "Nonsense," replies the mid guy, he's your typical string. Goes to the barman and same story. Finally the last guy, he's your typical rope. He burst out, "Fuck this!" He twits and ties himself whilst messing up his hair. He struts up to the barman and asks for a rum and coke. The barman does so and whilst he prepares the drink, he opens with, "Say, aren't you a string?" "No, I'm a frayed knot."
