Where does a pianist go on vacation?
The Florida Keys.
DOE Jokes
Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack?
Because he only comes once a year.
If you get a divorce with your husband, does that still mean you’re siblings?
What does the bee say to the fly?
"Buzz off!"
Why does America suck at chess?
They lost two towers.
What does McDonald's and a paedophile have in common?
They both like sticking their meat in ten-year-olds.
What does an orphan have that a homeless person doesn’t?
A home, but what does a homeless person have that orphans don’t?
A parent.
What does a Mexican not like in their drink? Ice.
When does it rain money?
When there's a change in the weather.
What noise does Sally like to say? Splat!
Teacher: What does a cow say?
Susie: Moo.
Teacher: Good. Now what does a duck say?
Jimmy: The duck goes quack.
Teacher: Now what does a pig say?
Little Jonny: A pig says, "Get up against the wall, you black motherfucker!"
So in class, they were learning about where food comes from:
Teacher: So kids, where does bacon come from?
Student: PIGS!
Teacher: Correct. Where does mutton come from?
Student: SHEEP!
Teacher: And finally, here’s your homework.
Student: IK where that comes from!
A FAT COW! 😂😂
How many ears does Captain Picard have?
Three: A left ear, a right ear, and a final front-ear.
What does a Chinese man say to his partner when having sex?
"Ching Chong Soc Mai Ding Dong"
Why does Santa not have any children?
He only cums once a year.
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
Well, it's not 8 because my basement is still dark.
What's the difference between a penis and a gun?
A child doesn't cry when a gun goes off in its mouth.
A note for my old English Teacher:
Mr. Colin, who loves making a din, He thinks everyone loves him, but little does he know, That's not what everyone shows, About his life he ploughs and ploughs, About his dog Bella and his relationship woes... Mr. Colin, we do not care, When you speak, our minds are not there, Your life you have unnecessarily shared, When we see you, our eyesight is impaired... Mr. Colin, rumbling about his exceptions, Just when someone puts something in the bin, Or chatters to someone, not even causing a din, But Mr. Colin, drinking too much gin, Will flail all his annoying attention on him, He'll push his limits, right to the rim...
And just how I love flan! Oh, he's finally gone!
Why does Technoblade love orphans?
'Cause he can relate to their parents!
If you drink hand sanitizer, does it only kill 99.9% of you?...........💀
