DOE jokes
What does Michael Jackson and a Playstation have in common?
They're both made of plastic and children turn them on.
What does a blind man say when he passes the fish market?...."Hello ladies!"
How does a pimp answer when asked why he chose his occupation?
Answer: He wanted a stable source of income.
Why does Joe Biden call women muffins?
'Cause muffins backwards is sniffum.
Why does a milking stool only have 3 legs? -- Because the cow has the udder.
Where does the banana learn to split? At Sunday school.
Chuck does not cut butter with a knife, he cuts a knife with butter.
What does Buzz Lightyear and an orphan's parents have in common?
They go to infinity and beyond.
How does a rapper clean their house?
With a BEAT BRUSH!
So what does stress and energy mean?
Beer.
How many rapists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Punchline: One, but they prefer soda bottles instead.
Where does Hitler look first when he loses something? The attic.
A man is dating three women and has to choose which one he'll marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5000 and watches to see what she does with the money.
The first woman does a total make-over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits to look sexy for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed.
The second woman goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed.
The third woman invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money... Then he married the one with the biggest breasts.
Why does Waldo wear stripes?
'Cause he doesn't want to be spotted.
Everyone: What does NASA mean?
NASA's response: National Aeronautics and Space Administration.
Everyone: What does NASA mean?
Arinator's response: National Ariana and Space Ariana.
Little Johnny was living with his grandpa during the summer. Well, grandpa had a beer, and Johnny said, "Grandpa, let me get a sip of that." Grandpa said, "Well, lil Johnny, does your d**k reach your a**?" And lil Johnny said, "Well no sir." And grandpa said, then no, you can't.
Later that day, papaw (grandpa) had a cigar, and Johnny said let me get a hit of that, and papaw asked, "Well, Johnny, does your d**k reach your a**?" And Johnny said no again. Then papaw was shooting his gun, and Johnny asked if he could shoot it, and grandpa asked Johnny if his d**k reached his a**, and Johnny said no.
Well, after supper, Johnny's grandma made Johnny some ice cream (the most amazing bowl of ice cream EVER), and grandpa said, "Johnny, let me get a bit of that ice cream," and Johnny asked papaw, "Well, papaw, does your d**k reach your a**?" And papaw said, "Well, Johnny, as a matter of a fact, it does," and Johnny said, "Good, now go f**k yourself because you ain't getting none of my ice cream!"
Why does Hitler deserve heaven? Because he killed Hitler.
What does Germany and the rest of the world have in common? They both use gases to poison one thing or another.
What does a lesbian bring on the second date?
A U-Haul.
What does a spy do when he's cold?
He goes under cover.