DOE jokes

Bible

What do the initials BIBLE stand for?

"Bullshit In Book Lacking Evidence."

Death

What do fire and people have in common?

They will both eventually die out.

Memes

Baby

How many time does it take to cook a baby in a microwave?

I don’t know, I can’t count while masturbating.

Girl

What does a girl want more than anything in the world?

Nothing. She's fine.

Dad

What does my dad have in common with Nemo?

They both can’t be found.

Feminist

Q: How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Don't be stupid, feminists can't change anything.

Boob

What does one boob say to the other boob?

If we don’t get support, people will think we’re nuts.

Condom

What does a condom and a coffin have in common?

They both still have stiffs, but one is coming and one is going.

Kid

What does a kid with cancer and dark humor have in common? They never get old.

  • 3
  • Print

    This joke does not work in print, you have to speak it to someone.

    Knock knock.

    Who's there?

    Helen Keller.

    Helen Keller who?

    (Don't say anything).

    Helen Keller who?

    ...you will get a laugh...ty.

    String

    So, there are these 3 strings, they walk into a bar. People are giving them looks. The small chap is your typical thin cord. He walks to the barman and asks for a rum and coke. He replies, "Oii, your kind ain't welcomed here, so take your drink, mates, and fuck off."

    He goes back to his mates and says, "We'd better get outta here." "Nonsense," replies the mid guy, he's your typical string. Goes to the barman and same story. Finally the last guy, he's your typical rope. He burst out, "Fuck this!" He twits and ties himself whilst messing up his hair. He struts up to the barman and asks for a rum and coke. The barman does so and whilst he prepares the drink, he opens with, "Say, aren't you a string?" "No, I'm a frayed knot."

    Toilet Paper

    I see how it is y’all be buying toilet paper, stocking up from the Coronavirus, but where on the symptoms does it say diarrhea? Lol, why y’all be buying toilet paper, now I am just confused.

  • 8
  • Man

    A man goes to a doctor and says he's having problems shitting, so the doctor gives him an enema and says he needs to do it a few times at home, but does the first one for him. So the guy bends over the table, lubes him up, and shoves it deep in him, and he yells.

    So later, the man goes home and tells his wife he needs her help with the enema. So he bends over, she lubes him up, puts a hand on his shoulder, and she shoves it up there, and he starts screaming and cussing, and the wife asks, "Did I hurt you?" He said, "No, I just realized when the doctor did it, he had both hands on my shoulders."