DOE jokes
Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack?
Because he only comes once a year.
If you get a divorce with your husband, does that still mean you’re siblings?
What do bungee jumping and a gay man have in common?
If the rubber breaks, they're in beep shit.
Why does Michael Jackson avoid Pepsi? They gave him a hot one.
What pronouns does Michael Jackson use? Hee/hee.
What does the blind man say when he walks past the fish market?
"Hello, ladies!"
What does a sex offender and Santa have in common?
They will come down your "chimney" tonight.
What do a 9V battery and a butthole have in common?
We know we’re not supposed to put our tongue on them, but we do it anyway.
What does an orphan wish they could do?
Wish happy Mother's Day and Father's Day.
What does LMAO stand for?
Launching Moms At Orphans.
What does the bee say to the fly?
"Buzz off!"
How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?
It only takes one, but it takes a long time, and the light bulb has to want to change.
Why does America suck at chess?
They lost two towers.
When does it rain money?
When there's a change in the weather.
What noise does Sally like to say? Splat!
What does a Mexican not like in their drink? Ice.
How many ears does Captain Picard have?
Three: A left ear, a right ear, and a final front-ear.
So in class, they were learning about where food comes from:
Teacher: So kids, where does bacon come from?
Student: PIGS!
Teacher: Correct. Where does mutton come from?
Student: SHEEP!
Teacher: And finally, here’s your homework.
Student: IK where that comes from!
A FAT COW! 😂😂
A man goes to a doctor and says he's having problems shitting, so the doctor gives him an enema and says he needs to do it a few times at home, but does the first one for him. So the guy bends over the table, lubes him up, and shoves it deep in him, and he yells.
So later, the man goes home and tells his wife he needs her help with the enema. So he bends over, she lubes him up, puts a hand on his shoulder, and she shoves it up there, and he starts screaming and cussing, and the wife asks, "Did I hurt you?" He said, "No, I just realized when the doctor did it, he had both hands on my shoulders."
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
Well, it's not 8 because my basement is still dark.