DOE jokes
Teacher: What does a cow say?
Susie: Moo.
Teacher: Good. Now what does a duck say?
Jimmy: The duck goes quack.
Teacher: Now what does a pig say?
Little Jonny: A pig says, "Get up against the wall, you black motherfucker!"
How many ears does Captain Picard have?
Three: A left ear, a right ear, and a final front-ear.
So in class, they were learning about where food comes from:
Teacher: So kids, where does bacon come from?
Student: PIGS!
Teacher: Correct. Where does mutton come from?
Student: SHEEP!
Teacher: And finally, here’s your homework.
Student: IK where that comes from!
A FAT COW! 😂😂
A man goes to a doctor and says he's having problems shitting, so the doctor gives him an enema and says he needs to do it a few times at home, but does the first one for him. So the guy bends over the table, lubes him up, and shoves it deep in him, and he yells.
So later, the man goes home and tells his wife he needs her help with the enema. So he bends over, she lubes him up, puts a hand on his shoulder, and she shoves it up there, and he starts screaming and cussing, and the wife asks, "Did I hurt you?" He said, "No, I just realized when the doctor did it, he had both hands on my shoulders."
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
Well, it's not 8 because my basement is still dark.
Memes
What's the difference between a penis and a gun?
A child doesn't cry when a gun goes off in its mouth.
A note for my old English Teacher:
Mr. Colin, who loves making a din, He thinks everyone loves him, but little does he know, That's not what everyone shows, About his life he ploughs and ploughs, About his dog Bella and his relationship woes... Mr. Colin, we do not care, When you speak, our minds are not there, Your life you have unnecessarily shared, When we see you, our eyesight is impaired... Mr. Colin, rumbling about his exceptions, Just when someone puts something in the bin, Or chatters to someone, not even causing a din, But Mr. Colin, drinking too much gin, Will flail all his annoying attention on him, He'll push his limits, right to the rim...
And just how I love flan! Oh, he's finally gone!
Why does Technoblade love orphans?
'Cause he can relate to their parents!
Teacher: What does a chicken give you?
Student: An egg!
Teacher: What does a fat cow give you?
Student: Homework!
If you drink hand sanitizer, does it only kill 99.9% of you?...........💀
What do a "transgender" woman's favorite song and his/her last online order have in common?
~they're both a dick in a box.
What does the cannibal eat who comes late for dinner?
The cold shoulder.
What do the initials BIBLE stand for?
"Bullshit In Book Lacking Evidence."
How does Jesus whistle?
By blowing through the holes in his hands.
What do fire and people have in common?
They will both eventually die out.
How many time does it take to cook a baby in a microwave?
I don’t know, I can’t count while masturbating.
What does a serial killer make for breakfast?
Scrambled legs and toes.
Why does Stephen Hawking do one liners?
Because he can't do standup.
What does a girl want more than anything in the world?
Nothing. She's fine.
How does a blind person know they've wiped their ass enough?